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Rate my Gp essay!!

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Question: Consider the view that the computer has failed to meet our educational needs in school.

Computer, not a new thing for common peoples in most of the developing countries, is still hefty enough to make an impact in this vast technological advanced aura. It is considered that this eloctronic machine greatly fends the current educational needs although this do cause some gruesome effects on its addicted users.
Time which never comes back, has a very substantial role in one's life. Computer which is said to be a source of abounded information, at the same time it is a common source of entertainment when it comes to games and social websites. Using computer to compensate our educational needs can have an adverse effect too, as it is much likely to be considered to be an entertainer rather than a trainer by students.
The negative aspects are not only confined to this. The most intellectual and ardent students argue about the presence of loads of incorrect information and misleading information on web,wikis and blogs. As these can be amended by every one unless the author remains vigilant over his writings, so there is always a chance for incorrect information being shared on wikis and blogs. At times it can be very difficult for even a teacher to differentiate between right and wrong and eventually the students might suffer at their hands.
Even if the information is perfectly appropiate the risk of bein affected by viruses intervenes. The user always remains in doubt, that which is the most secured link. Some times because of phising in which the user is unknowingly directed towards fraudalent websites, which may be prejudicial for the computer system. Getting such problems can be very difficult to manage if one doesn't know the nitty gritties of computer.
The disadvantages may seem as inevitable, but this technology isn't invented for just cropping the society with horrendous problems. It does has some positive aspects to consider too. Firstly and most importantly, the use of computers in education leads to the cltivation of new innovative and effective waysof teaching as well as learning. Research proves that it is much easier for a human to grasp information from graphics rather than monotonous and hefty books.
Moreover, it also cannot be abnegated that computer, with the advancement of internet facilities is a hub for fructuous and sublime knowledge, which is mostly updated unlike books. Students can greatly facilitate themselves by this technological blessing.
Another very important and prominent positive effect aspect of using computers in educational needs is distance learning. The students can video chat with their teachers. They can see videos, to make themselves comfortable in getting any concept right. Distance learning is like virtual classrooms, that can have a very bright effect on a student.
In the concluding part, although the computer has failed to a certain limit in satisfying educational needs but it will be unfair to ignore its positive effects on the education system. Hence it is much likely to be true that any technological advancement may not be perfectly innocuous for the aura or society.
Be honest guyz!!!!!!!!
 
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The syllabus of 350-500 words?

C. Generously, a C. You didn't go deep enough with the analysis. And you went too far with the language. I know you're trying to impress. But flaunt it when you have earned it. Need to work more.
 
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thats what i needed some serious critical comments thanks alpha!!!!!!
can u plz elucidate how can i improve my gp essay, i know i have to write more, but things beside than this!!!!!
 
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After all this was my only second essay in Gp give me some time guyz!! :p
I am sure i will improve and wanna show it to my gp teacher !!!
 
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she really thinks that i am a dumb! but the reality is she is more dumb than me!!!!!!!!:mad:
 
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C or D according to me. Also language wise it sounds like you are putting in an effort to make it sound fancy which is not good. Also topic wise, you have not shown a vast and critical knowledge of the topic which is what the examiner wants to see.
 
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C or D according to me. Also language wise it sounds like you are putting in an effort to make it sound fancy which is not good. Also topic wise, you have not shown a vast and critical knowledge of the topic which is what the examiner wants to see.
i will work out these mistakes but just one confusion, what does good vocab mean to u?
 
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i will work out these mistakes but just one confusion, what does good vocab mean to u?
Good vocabulary is simply knowledge of words and their definitions. But a good vocabulary and learning the dictionary by heart will not help unless you have an interesting way of expressing your ideas. Notice how journalists write (especially British and American ones), the moment you read the first sentence, you are captivated and want to read the rest.

Also you should back your statements with quotes and statistics from reliable sources. Saying things like "research shows ..." isn't enough.
 
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Good vocabulary is simply knowledge of words and their definitions. But a good vocabulary and learning the dictionary by heart will not help unless you have an interesting way of expressing your ideas. Notice how journalists write (especially British and American ones), the moment you read the first sentence, you are captivated and want to read the rest.

Also you should back your statements with quotes and statistics from reliable sources. Saying things like "research shows ..." isn't enough.
thanks I got ur point, will be working at it soon!!!
 
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Grade C or D. You need to be more argumentative and make less grammatical mistakes.
Edit ur essay when u hv finished. :)
 
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