- Messages
- 69
- Reaction score
- 4
- Points
- 18
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English 8693: Help Needed!
- Thread starter adityar
- Start date
- Messages
- 69
- Reaction score
- 4
- Points
- 18
Please help...
I've not read the whole of your commentary, but after just a few lines I see about 4 instances of the word "reader". Such mentions (/breaking the 4th wall) do not make for an immersive commentary, but I guess that's just me.
Handwriting: Your "r"s look like "a"s, in the beginning I thought the word "writing" was "waiting", and "share" as "shave", "and" as "und", "describe" as "desoribe", "how she hated going to dance classes" as "how she hated going to dance [reverse comma] lasses", "informal" as "infoaml" (??) Also, the line "This repition [sic] also emphasizes the lack of coaticknce the author has on hprself"...what? "hop...my arms...akrut (about??)" t's are not crossed, and some brackets look like C's..
(However I don't think CIE will take into account that, because I have seen worse handwritings before that have scored marks, although you may need to be careful on this because i've heard of people getting Us because their handwriting was illegible)
Repetition: "reader" - 4 times. "
Spelling mistakes: "humourous" isn't a real word. While "humour" and "humor" are different for A. and B. english, it's "humorous" for both. Also, what's up with "repetition"? I see you're spelling it as "repition"...and then spell it correctly later?
You could build on your vocabulary. Things like "the short non-sentence 'degrading antics'" could be better put as "the short PHRASE 'degrading antics'", IMO. the arrow might be skipped over (even though it mentioned the diagram), you could portray it as the "crescendo" -- the rise [in the woman's voice]
I might give you a 3 out of 5 in spelling, a 2 out of 5 on handwriting (but that's just me) and a 6 to 7 out of 10 in the actual content itself.
Forgive me if I'm being a bit harsh, I may come across as hypocritical: I'm not very good in commentaries either! Sadly, I mostly just write as I go along, and if I encounter a snag, that's it for my commentary
Handwriting: Your "r"s look like "a"s, in the beginning I thought the word "writing" was "waiting", and "share" as "shave", "and" as "und", "describe" as "desoribe", "how she hated going to dance classes" as "how she hated going to dance [reverse comma] lasses", "informal" as "infoaml" (??) Also, the line "This repition [sic] also emphasizes the lack of coaticknce the author has on hprself"...what? "hop...my arms...akrut (about??)" t's are not crossed, and some brackets look like C's..
(However I don't think CIE will take into account that, because I have seen worse handwritings before that have scored marks, although you may need to be careful on this because i've heard of people getting Us because their handwriting was illegible)
Repetition: "reader" - 4 times. "
Spelling mistakes: "humourous" isn't a real word. While "humour" and "humor" are different for A. and B. english, it's "humorous" for both. Also, what's up with "repetition"? I see you're spelling it as "repition"...and then spell it correctly later?
You could build on your vocabulary. Things like "the short non-sentence 'degrading antics'" could be better put as "the short PHRASE 'degrading antics'", IMO. the arrow might be skipped over (even though it mentioned the diagram), you could portray it as the "crescendo" -- the rise [in the woman's voice]
I might give you a 3 out of 5 in spelling, a 2 out of 5 on handwriting (but that's just me) and a 6 to 7 out of 10 in the actual content itself.
Forgive me if I'm being a bit harsh, I may come across as hypocritical: I'm not very good in commentaries either! Sadly, I mostly just write as I go along, and if I encounter a snag, that's it for my commentary
- Messages
- 69
- Reaction score
- 4
- Points
- 18
Thank you soo much!!! I'm wayy better in handwriting in the exam, this was one of my worst pieces, but thanks soo much tough!! Your reply was much more than I expected
I'm wayy better in handwriting in the exam, this was one of my worst pieces, but thanks soo much tough!! Your reply was much more than I expected