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- 39
- Reaction score
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- Points
- 28
Hey everyone, I'd really like it if you guys could read a composition I wrote and point me out, and help out with some suggestions please.
Thanks.
Thanks.
-
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English Composition, please check.
- Thread starter Khurram Khalid Iqbal
- Start date
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
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Better than what you used to write in class. A couple of errors:Hey everyone, I'd really like it if you guys could read a composition I wrote and point me out, and help out with some suggestions please.
Thanks.
-Using capital letters inappropriately on a couple of occasions.
-Paragraph starts could be much better.
-Punctuation errors here and there.
Otherwise, a good piece of writing.
- Messages
- 39
- Reaction score
- 26
- Points
- 28
Point them out bro'.Better than what you used to write in class. A couple of errors:
-Using capital letters inappropriately on a couple of occasions.
-Paragraph starts could be much better.
-Punctuation errors here and there.
Otherwise, a good piece of writing.
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 2,035
- Points
- 273
"air Bourne’s", B capital for no appropriate reason.Point them out bro'.
"Goosebumps", why is the G capital. -_-
"Silky".
"Same occurred with me," - Use a semicolon here instead of the comma.
Sentences are too long. Shorten up some of them to emphasize importance (short sentences = important points).
"Dominating the sky, fearless,"
Changing it, "Dominating the skies fearlessly - now, who wouldn't want that?"
"or me against it." - Not required. The sentence should be completed at "by my side".
Hope that helps!
- Messages
- 265
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 38
dont scare me for monday's exam. i can never write an essay like that
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 2,035
- Points
- 273
NEVER underestimate yourself. Decide a topic that you want to write about (descriptive,argumentative,etc.) and then read sample essays and practice. Remember, you can't do anything sustainable without practice; it's important in EVERY subject.dont scare me for monday's exam. i can never write an essay like that
- Messages
- 1,258
- Reaction score
- 1,397
- Points
- 173
“If I could evolve into an animal, what would it be and why?”
The Human Psyche is something that not even humans themselves are
expected to understand, how it works is pikestaff but what it works upon, at
times is not something easily understood even by the think tanks. At times, it
bores itself with being human and starts dwelling about in search for wilderness
and insinuates a desire to adopt. Yes, so it occurs, sometimes the mind prefers to
be a free creature, much like an animal. Where plutocracy rules, though instead
of wealth, strength is considered. The felines or perhaps, air Bourne’s, they
succeed in inspiring the most intellect creature on Earth.
Same occurred with me, watching the evening sky, seeing birds, without any fear
of restrictions, majestic in their soars; they were free to move about anywhere
and seeing the big birds, with one scream, clearing away any flight that could be
an obstacle in their path. I was inspired, I felt Goosebumps and felt so influenced
that I myself wanted to take its place, once at least, feel the air rushing by my side
or me against it. It was an impression that human life is full of ennui.
Yes, I wanted to be a falcon, so astute, determined, such grace that one could not
even find in a lady, the attraction level perhaps for a short time, stronger than for
the opposite sex, the elegance with which it flew, flying above mountains, over
rivers, valleys and what not. Just a decision to go was enough to reach the
destination, sending shivers down the spines of its prey, that one scream was
enough to give Goosebumps to even a human. Furthermore, what you find in it,
the golden beak, Silky feathers, such royal of color, snapping the necks of its meal
in one blow, it seemed so flamboyant. Dominating the sky, fearless, who wouldn’t
want that?
But surely, the human mind is no less than an enigma, if I devour upon Eagles
today, it could be a monkey tomorrow. But that is what makes it interesting, the
diversity of its work. Perhaps, the thought of being an animal for a day would
supplement this desire and yet it will go about on something else tomorrow. As
for now, falcons are what have inspired me, and I would surely exchange a place
with one for now and who knows, if I can’t be one, I could end up owning one, oh
how a moments decision could affect one’s entire future.
Ok i am sorry if i am being a bit too critical.
1:"how it works is pikestaff but what it works upon" actually the phrase is plain as a pikestaff, which means really simple...........pikestaff alone just means the wooden part of a pike, or a spear
2: "by the think tanks." you are not specifying any think tank, so don't use "the"
3: "Where plutocracy rules, though instead of wealth, strength is considered. The felines or perhaps, air Bourne’s, they succeed in inspiring the most intellect creature on Earth." if you are talking about animals and the jungle here, plutocracy makes no sense in the sentence? and how would you say an animal to be wealthy? sorry if i am confusing it, but i could not make sense of the line.
I am not going to criticize it all line by line. All i want to say is you are trying to add difficult vocabulary to your sentences, and they end up ruining the whole sentence. Just use simple and straightforward vocabulary. Read mark schemes, they clearly say that many candidates try to use ambitious words and end up loosing marks. They also say that using simple words would get you good marks too. Many of your sentences are not making sense, even though it seems like you have a good vocabulary.
About the idea, i would say that you had a good start. Your building of the whole idea from the concept of human curiosity is great All you need to do is to improve your basic sentence structure........Sorry if i am being too critical
The Human Psyche is something that not even humans themselves are
expected to understand, how it works is pikestaff but what it works upon, at
times is not something easily understood even by the think tanks. At times, it
bores itself with being human and starts dwelling about in search for wilderness
and insinuates a desire to adopt. Yes, so it occurs, sometimes the mind prefers to
be a free creature, much like an animal. Where plutocracy rules, though instead
of wealth, strength is considered. The felines or perhaps, air Bourne’s, they
succeed in inspiring the most intellect creature on Earth.
Same occurred with me, watching the evening sky, seeing birds, without any fear
of restrictions, majestic in their soars; they were free to move about anywhere
and seeing the big birds, with one scream, clearing away any flight that could be
an obstacle in their path. I was inspired, I felt Goosebumps and felt so influenced
that I myself wanted to take its place, once at least, feel the air rushing by my side
or me against it. It was an impression that human life is full of ennui.
Yes, I wanted to be a falcon, so astute, determined, such grace that one could not
even find in a lady, the attraction level perhaps for a short time, stronger than for
the opposite sex, the elegance with which it flew, flying above mountains, over
rivers, valleys and what not. Just a decision to go was enough to reach the
destination, sending shivers down the spines of its prey, that one scream was
enough to give Goosebumps to even a human. Furthermore, what you find in it,
the golden beak, Silky feathers, such royal of color, snapping the necks of its meal
in one blow, it seemed so flamboyant. Dominating the sky, fearless, who wouldn’t
want that?
But surely, the human mind is no less than an enigma, if I devour upon Eagles
today, it could be a monkey tomorrow. But that is what makes it interesting, the
diversity of its work. Perhaps, the thought of being an animal for a day would
supplement this desire and yet it will go about on something else tomorrow. As
for now, falcons are what have inspired me, and I would surely exchange a place
with one for now and who knows, if I can’t be one, I could end up owning one, oh
how a moments decision could affect one’s entire future.
Ok i am sorry if i am being a bit too critical.
1:"how it works is pikestaff but what it works upon" actually the phrase is plain as a pikestaff, which means really simple...........pikestaff alone just means the wooden part of a pike, or a spear
2: "by the think tanks." you are not specifying any think tank, so don't use "the"
3: "Where plutocracy rules, though instead of wealth, strength is considered. The felines or perhaps, air Bourne’s, they succeed in inspiring the most intellect creature on Earth." if you are talking about animals and the jungle here, plutocracy makes no sense in the sentence? and how would you say an animal to be wealthy?
sorry if i am confusing it, but i could not make sense of the line.I am not going to criticize it all line by line. All i want to say is you are trying to add difficult vocabulary to your sentences, and they end up ruining the whole sentence. Just use simple and straightforward vocabulary. Read mark schemes, they clearly say that many candidates try to use ambitious words and end up loosing marks. They also say that using simple words would get you good marks too. Many of your sentences are not making sense, even though it seems like you have a good vocabulary.
About the idea, i would say that you had a good start. Your building of the whole idea from the concept of human curiosity is great
All you need to do is to improve your basic sentence structure........Sorry if i am being too critical
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 2,035
- Points
- 273
Khurram Khalid Iqbal Listen to this guy here, he knows a real thing or two about English. My criticism is below what he can interpret.“If I could evolve into an animal, what would it be and why?”
The Human Psyche is something that not even humans themselves are
expected to understand, how it works is pikestaff but what it works upon, at
times is not something easily understood even by the think tanks. At times, it
bores itself with being human and starts dwelling about in search for wilderness
and insinuates a desire to adopt. Yes, so it occurs, sometimes the mind prefers to
be a free creature, much like an animal. Where plutocracy rules, though instead
of wealth, strength is considered. The felines or perhaps, air Bourne’s, they
succeed in inspiring the most intellect creature on Earth.
Same occurred with me, watching the evening sky, seeing birds, without any fear
of restrictions, majestic in their soars; they were free to move about anywhere
and seeing the big birds, with one scream, clearing away any flight that could be
an obstacle in their path. I was inspired, I felt Goosebumps and felt so influenced
that I myself wanted to take its place, once at least, feel the air rushing by my side
or me against it. It was an impression that human life is full of ennui.
Yes, I wanted to be a falcon, so astute, determined, such grace that one could not
even find in a lady, the attraction level perhaps for a short time, stronger than for
the opposite sex, the elegance with which it flew, flying above mountains, over
rivers, valleys and what not. Just a decision to go was enough to reach the
destination, sending shivers down the spines of its prey, that one scream was
enough to give Goosebumps to even a human. Furthermore, what you find in it,
the golden beak, Silky feathers, such royal of color, snapping the necks of its meal
in one blow, it seemed so flamboyant. Dominating the sky, fearless, who wouldn’t
want that?
But surely, the human mind is no less than an enigma, if I devour upon Eagles
today, it could be a monkey tomorrow. But that is what makes it interesting, the
diversity of its work. Perhaps, the thought of being an animal for a day would
supplement this desire and yet it will go about on something else tomorrow. As
for now, falcons are what have inspired me, and I would surely exchange a place
with one for now and who knows, if I can’t be one, I could end up owning one, oh
how a moments decision could affect one’s entire future.
Ok i am sorry if i am being a bit too critical.
1:"how it works is pikestaff but what it works upon" actually the phrase is plain as a pikestaff, which means really simple...........pikestaff alone just means the wooden part of a pike, or a spear
2: "by the think tanks." you are not specifying any think tank, so don't use "the"
3: "Where plutocracy rules, though instead of wealth, strength is considered. The felines or perhaps, air Bourne’s, they succeed in inspiring the most intellect creature on Earth." if you are talking about animals and the jungle here, plutocracy makes no sense in the sentence? and how would you say an animal to be wealthy?
I am not going to criticize it all line by line. All i want to say is you are trying to add difficult vocabulary to your sentences, and they end up ruining the whole sentence. Just use simple and straightforward vocabulary. Read mark schemes, they clearly say that many candidates try to use ambitious words and end up loosing marks. They also say that using simple words would get you good marks too. Many of your sentences are not making sense, even though it seems like you have a good vocabulary.
About the idea, i would say that you had a good start. Your building of the whole idea from the concept of human curiosity is great
- Messages
- 265
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 38
which option is usually most marks gaining in section B?
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 2,035
- Points
- 273
Everybody goes for Narratives. I'm personally good at Argumentative so I'll go with them. Look, it depends on you. If you can write descriptions of things/people in a way that the reader can imagine what you're describing then go for Descriptive. If you think you can (with valid points) convince the writer to your opinion then go for Argumentative. If you can write good stories then go for Narrative.
- Messages
- 265
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 38
i will do narrative any tips for it?
- Messages
- 265
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 38
i have always gotten good marks for stories
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 2,035
- Points
- 273
I'm really very bad at narratives. I'll give you some links to help.
https://www.xtremepapers.com/community/threads/english-1123.23634/#post-530676
Read the samples here.
https://www.xtremepapers.com/commun...123-exam-formats-and-revison-file-here.25764/
https://www.xtremepapers.com/community/threads/a-guide-to-english-1123.25682/
Formats and tips here.
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
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Then go for narratives. Do practice past papers.
- Messages
- 265
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 38
i already have all of them. anyway thnks
- Messages
- 1,258
- Reaction score
- 1,397
- Points
- 173
thanks
- Messages
- 2,797
- Reaction score
- 2,035
- Points
- 273
Well, you're good so you're good.
- Messages
- 98
- Reaction score
- 25
- Points
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Sorry Khurram, you asked me for it. Please don't mind if you don't like my opinion
No proper connection between paragraphs and sentences.
p1 second sentence meaning not clear. (examiners prefer simple direct words which are normally used in semi formal tune, not words like pikestaff). The whole sentence has an unclear meaning
Plutocracy word not to be used.(not common)
lack of proper punctuation in p2. Seems to introduce too much commas instead of making new connecting sentences
It was an impression that human life is full of ennui. Examiner does not like fancy vocabulary and words like ennui will make the sentence confusing.
P3 you used 9 commas for description in single sentence. This is not correct. Furthermore used after moreover or another connective so should not be used, moreover could be used
Tries to impress the examiner by sounding philosophical and poetic. Seems to go too much, and sentences seem too long.
Examiner will give a lower b or a c after judging all aspects ( meaning, punctuation, common but classy vocabulary, sentence structure etc)
No proper connection between paragraphs and sentences.
p1 second sentence meaning not clear. (examiners prefer simple direct words which are normally used in semi formal tune, not words like pikestaff). The whole sentence has an unclear meaning
Plutocracy word not to be used.(not common)
lack of proper punctuation in p2. Seems to introduce too much commas instead of making new connecting sentences
It was an impression that human life is full of ennui. Examiner does not like fancy vocabulary and words like ennui will make the sentence confusing.
P3 you used 9 commas for description in single sentence. This is not correct. Furthermore used after moreover or another connective so should not be used, moreover could be used
Tries to impress the examiner by sounding philosophical and poetic. Seems to go too much, and sentences seem too long.
Examiner will give a lower b or a c after judging all aspects ( meaning, punctuation, common but classy vocabulary, sentence structure etc)
- Messages
- 39
- Reaction score
- 26
- Points
- 28
And Thanks for pointing me out those minor things, I really appreciate that.
Will definitely keep in mind the points and what I meant by plutocrats was that, instead of Weatlh, strength instead of wealth.
I will probably put up one more or maybe two, hope you read it.
Will definitely keep in mind the points and what I meant by plutocrats was that, instead of Weatlh, strength instead of wealth.
I will probably put up one more or maybe two, hope you read it.
- Messages
- 39
- Reaction score
- 26
- Points
- 28
Aah. Those
Sorry Khurram, you asked me for it. Please don't mind if you don't like my opinion
No proper connection between paragraphs and sentences.
p1 second sentence meaning not clear. (examiners prefer simple direct words which are normally used in semi formal tune, not words like pikestaff). The whole sentence has an unclear meaning
Plutocracy word not to be used.(not common)
lack of proper punctuation in p2. Seems to introduce too much commas instead of making new connecting sentences
It was an impression that human life is full of ennui. Examiner does not like fancy vocabulary and words like ennui will make the sentence confusing.
P3 you used 9 commas for description in single sentence. This is not correct. Furthermore used after moreover or another connective so should not be used, moreover could be used
Tries to impress the examiner by sounding philosophical and poetic. Seems to go too much, and sentences seem too long.
Examiner will give a lower b or a c after judging all aspects ( meaning, punctuation, common but classy vocabulary, sentence structure etc)
Aah. those minor points, I didn't even look on to them, thanks for pointing that out, I will surely keep them in mind next time.Sorry Khurram, you asked me for it. Please don't mind if you don't like my opinion
No proper connection between paragraphs and sentences.
p1 second sentence meaning not clear. (examiners prefer simple direct words which are normally used in semi formal tune, not words like pikestaff). The whole sentence has an unclear meaning
Plutocracy word not to be used.(not common)
lack of proper punctuation in p2. Seems to introduce too much commas instead of making new connecting sentences
It was an impression that human life is full of ennui. Examiner does not like fancy vocabulary and words like ennui will make the sentence confusing.
P3 you used 9 commas for description in single sentence. This is not correct. Furthermore used after moreover or another connective so should not be used, moreover could be used
Tries to impress the examiner by sounding philosophical and poetic. Seems to go too much, and sentences seem too long.
Examiner will give a lower b or a c after judging all aspects ( meaning, punctuation, common but classy vocabulary, sentence structure etc)