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Okay so I have an essay to write. It's supposed to be persuasive. And it's graded
So my Essay is "Why Sima Samar deserved the Nobel Peace Prize?"
My professor is like....change your title....it's horrible......any suggestions?
and can you please look at my essay and give suggestions for improvements to get an A grade essay. She said my current essay is C grade
People who usually lose loved ones are hardly able to conquer such achievements that Dr. Samar did. She lost her beloved sister as a young girl and her husband as a young woman. Due to constraints on girl education in Afghanistan, Samar was not allowed to study in University even though she got many scholarship offers from Australia and Hungary. She convinced her father to let her study in Kabul University. During the Soviet Invasion in Afghanistan, her husband went missing and she fled with her child to Pakistan. She dedicated her life to saving many people and educating as many children as possible. For a woman facing such hardships and still being so dedicated is praiseworthy.
Samar’s medical degree was a backbone in building up her career and achieving her dreams. Her strong will and brave nature gave Samar the opportunity to get a medical degree at Kabul University in Afghanistan. In a country were literacy rate was very low, especially for girls, Samar proved otherwise. She used the medical degree she had to save many lives in rural areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan. She is the proud owner of the Shuhada Organization, which provides medical help to women and girls all across Afghanistan. Being a woman in the first place puts Dr. Samar at a very high risk, but that didn’t deter her confidence and willingness to make a change. She received death threats while serving as the Minister for Women's Affairs and was forced this way to resign from her post, yet she still pursued her dreams to make a change and still faces many today with a smile on her face and gives us all hope for Afghanistan. This should be enough to give her the award but her endless contribution to women and human rights does not end here.
Dr. Samar also appeared many times as a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize; however she never won the prestigious award. She stood against figures like President Barack Obama in 2009, the European Union in 2011 and several other times against other well-known figures in row for the Nobel Peace Prize. President Barack Obama’s achievement of the Nobel Peace Prize still confuses many, including the president himself. Only a year after he was elected as the President of the United States of America and he already got the Nobel Peace Prize. The reason for his selection as the winner was “for his extra ordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people” (The Nobel Peace Prize for 2009, 2009). Many people still feel that Dr. Samar’s work was much more deserving compared to Obama. Samar saved many afghan women and children’s lives by educated many people while establishing Shuhada Organization; she trained many nurses and also opened up many schools. She has also started campaigns against forcibly making women cover up themselves with the veils. She is the Chairperson of the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission and recently the member of the Truth and Justice Party (Dr. Sima Samar Biography)
Dr. Samar proves a deserving candidate in many aspects such as being a woman who takes a stand against injustice and also shows proof of being a great leader in a country where women are not even allowed to go out without covering themselves with veils. Her endless contribution to the restoration of women and girls rights helped build up confidence to many women around the world. Even though she did not win the Nobel Peace prize she is still a role model for many girls and women in not just Afghanistan but worldwide. Most critics claim that the Nobel committee looks at “achievements” rather than “aspiration”. They claim that Samar’s aspirations were overlooked by the Nobel committee and achievements of US Presidents were seen as more deserving.
So my Essay is "Why Sima Samar deserved the Nobel Peace Prize?"
My professor is like....change your title....it's horrible......any suggestions
?and can you please look at my essay and give suggestions for improvements to get an A grade essay. She said my current essay is C grade
Why Sima Samar deserved the Nobel Peace Prize?
The Nobel Peace Prize is an award given to those individuals or group of individual who have done the best work for peace between nations, abolition or reduction of standing armies and hold and promote peace congress (Palmowski, 1997). Afghan Politician Sima Samar was a recurring Nobel Peace Prize nominee. She has proven herself worthy by helping many Afghan women and girls get the proper medical and educational facilities. Sima Samar’s great determination and courageous attitude towards the restoration of women’s rights, makes her a well-deserving candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. People who usually lose loved ones are hardly able to conquer such achievements that Dr. Samar did. She lost her beloved sister as a young girl and her husband as a young woman. Due to constraints on girl education in Afghanistan, Samar was not allowed to study in University even though she got many scholarship offers from Australia and Hungary. She convinced her father to let her study in Kabul University. During the Soviet Invasion in Afghanistan, her husband went missing and she fled with her child to Pakistan. She dedicated her life to saving many people and educating as many children as possible. For a woman facing such hardships and still being so dedicated is praiseworthy.
Samar’s medical degree was a backbone in building up her career and achieving her dreams. Her strong will and brave nature gave Samar the opportunity to get a medical degree at Kabul University in Afghanistan. In a country were literacy rate was very low, especially for girls, Samar proved otherwise. She used the medical degree she had to save many lives in rural areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan. She is the proud owner of the Shuhada Organization, which provides medical help to women and girls all across Afghanistan. Being a woman in the first place puts Dr. Samar at a very high risk, but that didn’t deter her confidence and willingness to make a change. She received death threats while serving as the Minister for Women's Affairs and was forced this way to resign from her post, yet she still pursued her dreams to make a change and still faces many today with a smile on her face and gives us all hope for Afghanistan. This should be enough to give her the award but her endless contribution to women and human rights does not end here.
Dr. Samar also appeared many times as a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize; however she never won the prestigious award. She stood against figures like President Barack Obama in 2009, the European Union in 2011 and several other times against other well-known figures in row for the Nobel Peace Prize. President Barack Obama’s achievement of the Nobel Peace Prize still confuses many, including the president himself. Only a year after he was elected as the President of the United States of America and he already got the Nobel Peace Prize. The reason for his selection as the winner was “for his extra ordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people” (The Nobel Peace Prize for 2009, 2009). Many people still feel that Dr. Samar’s work was much more deserving compared to Obama. Samar saved many afghan women and children’s lives by educated many people while establishing Shuhada Organization; she trained many nurses and also opened up many schools. She has also started campaigns against forcibly making women cover up themselves with the veils. She is the Chairperson of the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission and recently the member of the Truth and Justice Party (Dr. Sima Samar Biography)
Dr. Samar proves a deserving candidate in many aspects such as being a woman who takes a stand against injustice and also shows proof of being a great leader in a country where women are not even allowed to go out without covering themselves with veils. Her endless contribution to the restoration of women and girls rights helped build up confidence to many women around the world. Even though she did not win the Nobel Peace prize she is still a role model for many girls and women in not just Afghanistan but worldwide. Most critics claim that the Nobel committee looks at “achievements” rather than “aspiration”. They claim that Samar’s aspirations were overlooked by the Nobel committee and achievements of US Presidents were seen as more deserving.
