For all Writers

[usama321]

Thanks for commenting!!
Here are the next couple of paragraphs (and yeah its a novella lol)

Chapter 2:
Aaron and Stevens sat on the thread-bare arm-chairs opposite Burns, full of excitement, curiosity and thousands of other emotions – and questions.
Burns looked from agent to agent, not sure how to begin - it wasn’t an easy mission after all. He cleared his throat.
‘Fortify has recently received the news that Dr. Schroder, a close friend of the Presidents has recently been shot to death, along with his family.’ He looked at his agents, waiting for a reaction. There wasn’t one so he continued.
‘Now, Schroder wasn’t just a close friend of the presidents but he was also the number one nuclear scientist in the world, with thousands of formulas for weapons – along with their launch codes. ‘
‘You two have been chosen to find out who killed Schroder and make sure that his nuclear weapons and codes do not fall in the wrong hands. So, what do you say boys? Are you in?’
Aaron looked at Stevens who was wearing a cheeky grin, he knew what that meant.
‘Yes sir,’ Aaron replied, ‘We are in.’
‘Great! Well you, Aaron, will be going undercover as a high ranking Russian soldier –‘
‘Wait,’ Aaron interrupted, ‘You said Schroder was a German, why am I going in as a Russian?’
Burns smirked, obviously enjoying the suspense he had created,
‘We believe that the Russians killed Schroder for his nuclear formulas,’ Burns glanced at Aaron and Stevens, nearly jumping with excitement. ‘So, pack your bags and brush your hair! You’re going to Russia!’
Stevens glanced at Aaron, eyes wide with curiosity,
‘Shall we do it?’ he asked, ‘there sure is a hell of a lot of risk!’
‘Well we haven’t had a mission if ages,’ Aaron protested, before Stevens could reply, Aaron agreed and accepted the tickets, pushing Stevens out of the front door.

~​

Stevens scanned their passport pictures and began making more, thinking of names as he worked. Scamming was definitely his strong side. He finished and examined his work. He turned around on his swivel-chair and threw one of the finished passports at Aaron,
‘What’s this for?’ Aaron asked, reading the info in the passport.
‘You know,’ Stevens replied; ‘Just in case,’ he didn’t need to say anymore, both agents knew how missions could sometimes turn nasty. Aaron stood up and grabbed his Russian military outfit before heading for the bathroom. Before he could enter, Stevens was already at the door.
‘Sorry mate,’ he chuckled, ‘had a few too many tacos last night.’ Aaron rolled his eyes at his mate before slumping himself back on the bed. He decided to get dressed in the bedroom and took off his shirt. He pulled a face as he pulled the military shirt over his head, it stank like hell! He straightened it up and pulled on the trousers as well, before looking at himself in the mirror. He didn’t look that convincing so decided to do a little bit of tweaking. Aaron sat down on Stevens’ swivel-chair, taking a disguise kit out from one of the drawers. He rummaged through it and found what he needed – a pair of greying eyebrows. He carefully stuck them on and smiled at himself, he sure was the disguise expert! He then sat back on the bed, waiting for Stevens to come out of the bathroom.
After what seemed like hours, Stevens opened the door. Stevens was disguised as a young officer who was escorting the Russian general.
Without saying anything, the two men grabbed their passports, tickets and suitcases, before heading out the door to the airport.

~​

Stevens beamed up at the jet that Aaron had brought him to. He hadn’t talked all through the taxi ride, but now he seemed to be blabbing none stop!
‘What make is it?’ he asked Aaron
‘I dunno, Russian?’
‘What year was it made?’
‘Ask the pilot.’
‘Where is the pilot...?’
‘Bloody hell, Stevens, shut your trap!’ Aaron didn’t mean to snap at him but he sure was getting on his nerves. He looked behind him, hearing footsteps coming their way - he was confused when he saw a woman coming in their direction, hips gently swaying.
‘Hello lads, I’m Natalie but you can call me Nat,’ she smiled, as she pulled her cap off, letting her blonde hair fall naturally to one side.
‘Do you know where the pilot is?’ Stevens asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
‘I’m the pilot!’ she chuckled as she walked past them and climbed up the stairs. She stopped halfway,
‘So you coming or d’you want to walk to Russia?’ she raised her eyebrows, waiting for them to follow her. Aaron and Stevens glanced at each other before jogging after her.
As soon as Natalie was in the cock-pit she started the plane, shouting over her shoulder for the boys to put their belts on. After only ten minutes, they were in the air and heading for Russia.

It's missing the air of professionalism that is most probably associated it with such missions. Their dialogue seem to be as if they are being offered an everyday job, rather than a spying mission. There is no air of professionalism in them. Burns seems to be their friend instead of a supervisor. I think you should have changed the tone of it all, now that the story was moving on to a more serious part.

The characters seem to have turned kinda stony. I mean i am not reading much about what the narrator is even feeling like, its turning more into a story told from over the head than from the point of view of a character.

I'd be honest and say that the first part was much better than this one

 

[maya <3]

Ok no PLEASE dont steal this one!! I have sent about 8 pages of this to a writer one of my pals now and he says he will try and publish it!! XD Eeeep soooo excited!!!
(its kind of a fairy story lol but dont worry it isn't soppy )

Prologue
There is a place where the wild things roam free, where the beasts can talk and think like us humans. There is a place where nothing turns out wrong and nothing turns out right. That place is There. It is the place with no name. The name has to be created by one lady, one girl who has a heart so pure that she puts unicorns and centaurs to shame. A girl who is so noble she makes the dark knight of that land seem like a mere mouse. That girl will make that land hold her head high; she will vanquish the land of all evil and will rule a reign of peace. The only problem is, the people of that land and even the girl herself have no idea who she is...
Chapter 1
‘Eleanor come down for dinner darling!’ her mother called her from the foot of the stairs. Eleanor grumbled as she put down her book and pushed her feet into her slippers. Great, she thought, I was this close to finally finishing my book and Mother decides to make my dinner, just great.
‘Eleanor? Are you coming? Your tea is getting cold darling.’ Her mother shouted from the kitchen.
‘I’m coming ma.’ Eleanor shouted back, hoping her mother had not heard the anger in her voice.
Finally, she reached the Laurence Mansion kitchen and was nearly knocked unconscious by the delicious smell of bangers and mash sitting fresh on the table.
‘Come on darling eat up, then we have a dinner party at two with Mrs Penvesie and Miss Prudence, oh and I have aired your petticoats and your best stockings are drying –‘
‘Mother,’ Eleanor cut in, ‘I don’t know when you will understand that I do not care for your dinner parties and petticoats and silly laced stockings! Why, I would much rather be out horse-riding or – or practising archery.’
‘Eleanor! You know very well how I disapprove of these manly fashions. You should be ashamed of yourself, in my day we women were expected to stay put and look gorgeous, full stop! Now, young lady, march up those stairs and put on your corset ready for me to tighten!’ the sudden anger in her mother’s voice forced Eleanor to abide.
As she walked as slow as she could upstairs (in order to show her mother that she had not been completely successful) she thought how miserable her life was. She walked into her room and once more picked up her story and began reading. Her mother disapproved of reading anything apart from Charles dickens, but Eleanor was attached to fairy stories and horror stories. However, lately one story had been constantly read for weeks. It was a story of a magical world far away from humans in which everyone is free, the beasts can talk and the king there is as wise as an owl. Eleanor would dream daily about this world, each dream more vivid than the last. She longed for this world to be true and became engrossed in her book once more.
Suddenly, the door burst open and in came her Mother carrying the deadly corset.
‘I should have known that you would have disobeyed me but I had thought that you would have learnt your lesson from the previous time. And now that I have also caught you reading, why Eleanor, I think we should have a little chat. Don’t you?’ her mother said with such scorn in her voice that Eleanor felt not anger, but sorrow that ever since her father had died her mother no longer had a heart.
She stood up and bravely faced her mother, waiting for the worst to come. Her mother turned her daughter around and placed the corset around her chest and pulled. Eleanor screamed in pain as her mother pulled it tighter and tighter, almost suffocating her. Finally, she ceased pulling and whispered into Eleanor’s ear
‘Let’s hope you will not make me pull harder next time darling.’
Anger rose within Eleanor yet she knew from experience that her mother would just speak out against her if she objected. She instead, pulled her ridiculously tight dress over her head, waited for the numerous petticoats to settle and went to the garden to wait for the guests. All this time, she didn’t realise that she was bare footed, and that is where the problems really started...

 

[usama321]

maya <3 the purpose of the thread is not to just post your stories here The purpose is to discuss them too, so can we slow down a bit here?

 

[maya <3]

Hehe ok lol, but more peeps need to post!!!

 

[maya <3]

I'll get things rolling by posting one of my own stories Don't forget to read the rules before posting

​

The White Birds​

Genre: Fiction



They were back once again, the third time this week. Everytime they came, mother would forbid him from going outside their small brick house, or rather, all the mothers in their small village would lock the doors of their houses. Only the grown ups were allowed to go outside, though they too preferred to stay inside.


And he hated it, for it was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do. He loved those big white birds, as they flew around, circling in the air, emitting a strange whizzing sound. He wanted to get hold of one of them, and go flying around the village, and surprise his father and his flock of goat outside the village, and smack Ahmad the neighbour’s kid for bullying him. He had even gotten his hands on a rope to catch the big birds this time, but as always his mother had called him inside, and locked the doors as soon as he was inside.

So once again, he sat down with a thud on the rough carpeted floor beside his mother, and fantasized about catching a bird and adventuring on it. The birds hummed and buzzed outside, and their sweet sound was a constant agony to his mind. Then, for the hundredth time that day, he asked his mother.

“Why can’t we go outside now?” he complained

Ayesha looked up, distracted once again from the woollen sweater she was sewing. And for the hundredth time that day, she patted his head lovingly. She loved him more than anyone in the world, as he was their only child. How could she tell him the truth, a truth so dark and horrible it would escape the grasp of his innocent mind? So she just pecked on his chubby rosy cheek, and refused him once again.

“But i want to catch them mother, you know i could go flying around the village on them” he said, swooshing his hand around in the air, and started running around the room.

And she could not help but smile, seeing that elated expression on the face of her four year old son, as his black hair flew in the air, and his dark eyes sparkled with sheer happiness, lost in a world of their own. At that moment, seeing her son running around happily in his old tattered clothes, her life felt almost perfect……..

Except for the birds that preyed outside. They left a lingering fear in her heart, a fear of the atrocities they could perform, a fear so stark and raw it had taken all her resolve to continue her life under this roof, after the first time they had come.
Thus Talha spent the day inside the house, and a humble mud bricks house it was, and had only two rooms. There was nothing of notice in the main room, for they could hardly afford the basic necessities of life, and the nearest market was too far anyway. A small red rug lay in the middle, which too had been sewn by his mother, and dust rose out of it with each step. Underneath the rug was the bare brown of the earth, which was as hard and lifeless as stone. The walls were brown and bare too, making a dreary match with the earth. At one side was the old wooden door, with cracks running down its length. It opened out on the street.

An old jet black radio sat on a shelf, and it was one of their rare links with the outside world. Abdullah, his father, loved it, and cleaned and dusted it every night, so that even though the thing had been already battered enough before his father had traded it from a friend, it lay there shining like a pampered child. Also, beside it rested some plates and glasses and other items of cutlery, which Ayesha had gathered with great care and pride over the years. In a corner lay some firewood. These were the meagre belongings of their household, and partly reflected the belongings of all the well to do families of the village. The not so well to do hardly survived.

“Know what mother, i decided a name for the birds” he suddenly said, still running around the room, sweat now glistening on his brow.

“And what would that be?” she asked, trying her best to feign interest.

“They look like the swans in my book, so i thought what about ‘big swans’?” he asked, as if waiting for her approval. He had given it much thought, and in the end, he had found this name to be the best. They sort of looked the same, with the white color, and the beak, and the white color again.

“That’s a good name” she replied, trying her best to bring a smile to her face. But a jolt had went through her when she had heard the name. ‘Swan’, the representative of peace and tranquility. How ironic.

Gradually the sun crawled its way across the blue sky, and ever so slowly, the whizzing of the birds faded away in the dusk, until it left behind nothing but an itching memory. Abdullah was away to the local market – which was by no means in the locality – to sell goats. And he did not dare touch the old radio, even though he wanted to dearly, for the two of them would sometimes listen to it well into the night, and he loved every moment of it.
Ayesha had gone to sleep after offering the evening prayer in the other room, and he too laid down his blanket on the rug. For a long time he lay on the thin tattered blanket ,desperately trying to fall asleep. But the hum of the birds was stuck in his mind, playing over and over, like one of those faulty cassette tapes his father had brought that constantly played the same song again and again.

It had been a bawdy love song, and his mother had disapproved of it while Abdullah had kept listening to it with a dreamy expression on his face. He remembered the music so well, how the flute had woven beautiful notes in the background, and the voice of the man, it had been so vibrant, and buzzy. He had liked that buzzing voice so much……….

He sat up with a start. There was that sound again. His heart thudded against his chest, as that familiar sound set the blood racing through his veins. It was like a music to his ears now, a music so pleasant it pulled him.

Mother must be asleep, or she would have already come barging out of the room. I can go after it, i can catch it after all. His face lit up with a smile then, as he tiptoed across the room, grabbed the rope he had put on the shelf, and slowly opened the main door. His blood froze in his veins, as the door creaked and moaned, and the noise felt like blasts in the silence of the night.

But she did not wake after all, and he was soon outside on the street. The moon had waxed to its full glory that night, and it cast a silvery glow on the land. The street was lined with brick houses on both sides, and was narrow and the earth dry and hard. But his thoughts were somewhere else, as he hurried outside on his small legs, and looked ever upwards, in search of the birds in the dark sky.

Suddenly something blocked the moonlight, and a chill of excitement ran through him, as he saw the flash of white in the sky. He hurried then, and started running after it, running blindly through the streets, and occasionally following just the hum of the bird when he lost sight of it. It seemed to be headed out of the village, and he followed it without a second thought, intent on his mission, to catch the bird after all. The bird seemed to circle in the air for some time before continuing on its path, and he was able to keep pace.

He did not notice he was out of the village now, nor that he was running with bare feet. The hard earth and the stones were nothing but insignificant nuisances to his mind. The only significant problem was that he was panting badly, and he paused occasionally to catch his breath.

The bird is going to land somewhere after all. That’s when i’ll catch it, he thought gleefully.

It was then that the bird moved in a circle, and slowly it changed its direction, until it faced the village once more. He saw that pointed beak, as the moonlight shined on it, and his eyes lit up. It’s going to land after all.

Suddenly, something long shot out from beneath the bird. The thing’s tail was on fire, as it traveled with a swooshing sound towards the village.

There was a loud bang then, and the silence of the night was filled with a deafening roar. Looking back, he saw that the whole village seemed to be lit up, as if basking in some great campfire. There was another loud roar, and another one, and the whole night seemed to be lit up now.

He forgot all about the bird then, mesmerized by the strange turn of events. Slowly, he came back to his senses.

Fireworks? At this time of the night?, he thought happily, as he hurried back to the village, forgetting all about the “white bird”

I love the way you go straight into the story and don't waste any of the readers time. But there are some things that still need improving...
- Most readers like ''natural'' English, which is, well, natural. Here in your story you used tonnes of large words that not many people would normally say these days. You should improve this by making it more natural so the reader gets more into it.
- You also have a few tiny but noticable grammar mistakes, for example: 'but as always his mother had called him inside, and locked the doors as soon as he was inside.' this should be changed to: 'but as always he mother had called him inside and locked the doors as soon as he was in.'
- You should also try to describe the scene a bit more and how the kid is feeling. Try to make them seem like normal people to make the story come alive

 

[maya <3]

Wow.. why isn't anyone commenting?? oh and btw i am on a site called Wattpad, my usernames babybunny01 Check out my work please and don't forget to add it to your library!!

Here is another story i have started lol

Chapter 1: Run
Aspen stared wide-eyed at the piece of paper in her hand. ‘Run’. The words were simple, yet she understood them completely – she was in trouble, big trouble. She took a moment or two to compose herself and walked briskly out of the grubby, badly-kept Chinese restaurant.
Aspen blinked slightly as her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the foggy evening. She jogged to her car and hopped in. She prayed that the engine would start and to her surprise, it did. Putting her foot down, Aspen skidded back and drove onto the main road. She tapped her finger impatiently as she thought about the note, frowning as she did so. She got frustrated quickly and reached down for a cigarette when her phone suddenly rang.
Aspens eyes widened in both fear and curiosity and she answered the phone, not caring that she didn’t recognise the number
‘Yes?’ she asked in a voice she hoped sounded confident but in fact came out in little more than a whisper.
‘Are you running?’ the deep male voice asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Good, we’re right behind you.’
Aspen could sense the snarl in his voice and she abruptly ended the call. She glanced at her central mirror and swerved to the left, terrified to see another car – an Audi – swerve with her. She muttered a curse under her breath and put her foot down, deciding to drive in the hard shoulder. She drove faster as she saw that the car was still close behind.
Aspen turned left and headed for an old abandoned warehouse, planning to get rid of her car. She smiled lightly as she noticed that the Audi was no longer in sight and got out of the car.
As Aspen began to head for the warehouse, she heard the unmistakable sound of someone cocking a gun close by. She closed her eyes and sighed, before turning around with her hands in the air.
‘You caught me then.’ She smirked teasingly, staring the middle-aged male in the eye. ‘Took you long enough.’
‘Where is it?’ the male asked, tightening the grip on his gun.
Aspen didn’t say anything but simply threw the small chip on the floor. The male bent down to pick it up, taking care not to take his gun off her.
‘How do you know this is the one?’ he enquired.
Aspen shrugged, ‘it isn’t my problem, check it.’
The male clenched his teeth and strode over to Aspen, grabbing her by her shirt and half dragging her to the car. He cuffed her hands behind her back before shoving her into the Audi and driving off onto the main road.

 

[Hassaan Sami]

Okey dokey, here is the prolouge for my novella (DONT steal!! i will publish the some day!!)

Schroder ran as fast as he could to get away from the Russians, his eyes were watering as the icy air hit his face. He couldn’t see where he was going but that didn’t matter, he just had to get out of there. All of a sudden his foot got caught on a loose rock and he fell, face down, on the floor. He tried getting up but felt rough hands pull him up and pin him against a tree – holding a gun to his temple.
‘That’s enough playing Schroder,’ the Russian said. ‘Where are the launch codes?’ he pushed the gun closer to Schroder’s head, as if to make his point clear.
‘I-I won’t tell you, kill me and you will never find out.’ Schroder stammered, sweat dripping down his forehead. He realised that his leg was hurting but ignored it. The Russian ran his free hand through his blonde hair and punched Schroder in the stomach, making him recoil.
‘WHERE ARE THEY?’ The Russian roared, taking the safety off his gun. Schroder remained silent, tears beginning to sting his eyes.
‘If you’ll be like this, we’ll have to bring your wife into our little game, won’t we?’ the Russian smirked. Schroder stared at him with wide eyes, how did they find out about Adriana?
‘I’ll send them to the base.’ He murmured, defeated. The Russian smirked again, and dragged Schroder back to the building by his shirt.

Chapter #1
Aaron woke to the sound of his alarm clock ringing. He groaned and shoved it in his draw. Why on earth did he set it so early? He rolled over and pulled the sheets over his head, hoping that he would drift back to sleep soon. Drift back to the world full of parties and missions which he had completed...
All of a sudden he felt pressure at the end of his bed and his eyes shot open. In one swift movement he grabbed the gun from under his mattress and pointed it at the new-comer. He almost laughed out loud when he saw Agent Stevens, already dressed, holding the alarm clock and smiling cheekily.
‘Let me get this straight,’ Stevens began, ‘you joined Fortify in 2008 but you still can’t get up at half eight?’ He chucked the clock at Aaron who caught it and propped it back on his bedside-table.
‘Why should I have to get up?’ Aaron grumbled, ‘every other bloke gets to lie in on a Saturday, why can’t I?’
‘Because every other bloke isn’t one of America’s best spies.’ Stevens replied, ripping the blanket off Aaron and chucking it on the floor.
‘Stevens! Stop it! I’m not decent!’ Aaron sat up and rubbed his eyes, feeling like he wanted to kill Stevens, no matter how close he was to him. Before he knew what was happening, Stevens was whacking him with a pillow and telling him to go and get dressed.
‘Fine! Ok I’m going.’ Aaron replied, stumbling to his bathroom.
He splashed water on his face and smiled, Stevens sure could be a pain in the backside at times but he was his best pal – his only pal now that he thought about it. He sighed and grabbed his hairbrush, though it really was no use. No matter how much he brushed his copper hair, it always stayed scruffy. Aaron grabbed his t-shirt and jeans and put them on before going back to his bedroom to find Stevens listening to something on his phone.
‘What is it?’ Aaron asked as he pulled on his socks.
‘Burns wants to see us today, something about a German, I dunno.’ Stevens replied looking a little confused.
‘Ha-ha! A German? You sure about that mate?’ Aaron was still laughing as they made their way to the hotel entrance to catch a taxi to HQ.

Thanks for commenting!!
Here are the next couple of paragraphs (and yeah its a novella lol)

Chapter 2:
Aaron and Stevens sat on the thread-bare arm-chairs opposite Burns, full of excitement, curiosity and thousands of other emotions – and questions.
Burns looked from agent to agent, not sure how to begin - it wasn’t an easy mission after all. He cleared his throat.
‘Fortify has recently received the news that Dr. Schroder, a close friend of the Presidents has recently been shot to death, along with his family.’ He looked at his agents, waiting for a reaction. There wasn’t one so he continued.
‘Now, Schroder wasn’t just a close friend of the presidents but he was also the number one nuclear scientist in the world, with thousands of formulas for weapons – along with their launch codes. ‘
‘You two have been chosen to find out who killed Schroder and make sure that his nuclear weapons and codes do not fall in the wrong hands. So, what do you say boys? Are you in?’
Aaron looked at Stevens who was wearing a cheeky grin, he knew what that meant.
‘Yes sir,’ Aaron replied, ‘We are in.’
‘Great! Well you, Aaron, will be going undercover as a high ranking Russian soldier –‘
‘Wait,’ Aaron interrupted, ‘You said Schroder was a German, why am I going in as a Russian?’
Burns smirked, obviously enjoying the suspense he had created,
‘We believe that the Russians killed Schroder for his nuclear formulas,’ Burns glanced at Aaron and Stevens, nearly jumping with excitement. ‘So, pack your bags and brush your hair! You’re going to Russia!’
Stevens glanced at Aaron, eyes wide with curiosity,
‘Shall we do it?’ he asked, ‘there sure is a hell of a lot of risk!’
‘Well we haven’t had a mission if ages,’ Aaron protested, before Stevens could reply, Aaron agreed and accepted the tickets, pushing Stevens out of the front door.

~​

Stevens scanned their passport pictures and began making more, thinking of names as he worked. Scamming was definitely his strong side. He finished and examined his work. He turned around on his swivel-chair and threw one of the finished passports at Aaron,
‘What’s this for?’ Aaron asked, reading the info in the passport.
‘You know,’ Stevens replied; ‘Just in case,’ he didn’t need to say anymore, both agents knew how missions could sometimes turn nasty. Aaron stood up and grabbed his Russian military outfit before heading for the bathroom. Before he could enter, Stevens was already at the door.
‘Sorry mate,’ he chuckled, ‘had a few too many tacos last night.’ Aaron rolled his eyes at his mate before slumping himself back on the bed. He decided to get dressed in the bedroom and took off his shirt. He pulled a face as he pulled the military shirt over his head, it stank like hell! He straightened it up and pulled on the trousers as well, before looking at himself in the mirror. He didn’t look that convincing so decided to do a little bit of tweaking. Aaron sat down on Stevens’ swivel-chair, taking a disguise kit out from one of the drawers. He rummaged through it and found what he needed – a pair of greying eyebrows. He carefully stuck them on and smiled at himself, he sure was the disguise expert! He then sat back on the bed, waiting for Stevens to come out of the bathroom.
After what seemed like hours, Stevens opened the door. Stevens was disguised as a young officer who was escorting the Russian general.
Without saying anything, the two men grabbed their passports, tickets and suitcases, before heading out the door to the airport.

~​

Stevens beamed up at the jet that Aaron had brought him to. He hadn’t talked all through the taxi ride, but now he seemed to be blabbing none stop!
‘What make is it?’ he asked Aaron
‘I dunno, Russian?’
‘What year was it made?’
‘Ask the pilot.’
‘Where is the pilot...?’
‘Bloody hell, Stevens, shut your trap!’ Aaron didn’t mean to snap at him but he sure was getting on his nerves. He looked behind him, hearing footsteps coming their way - he was confused when he saw a woman coming in their direction, hips gently swaying.
‘Hello lads, I’m Natalie but you can call me Nat,’ she smiled, as she pulled her cap off, letting her blonde hair fall naturally to one side.
‘Do you know where the pilot is?’ Stevens asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
‘I’m the pilot!’ she chuckled as she walked past them and climbed up the stairs. She stopped halfway,
‘So you coming or d’you want to walk to Russia?’ she raised her eyebrows, waiting for them to follow her. Aaron and Stevens glanced at each other before jogging after her.
As soon as Natalie was in the cock-pit she started the plane, shouting over her shoulder for the boys to put their belts on. After only ten minutes, they were in the air and heading for Russia.

You're story structure is just like that of Dan Brown. He starts with an intriguing crime scene (prologue) in every one of his books, after which he continues with chapters in which a specific character ( Robert Langdon) wakes up abruptly. It's just another ordinary day for him until he receives a phone call from someone who needs his help in investigating the murder of the person in the prologue.
That's how it is in his books usually.
Btw, I really liked you're story.

 

[maya <3]

You're story structure is just like that of Dan Brown. He starts with an intriguing crime scene (prologue) in every one of his books, after which he continues with chapters in which a specific character ( Robert Langdon) wakes up abruptly. It's just another ordinary day for him until he receives a phone call from someone who needs his help in investigating the murder of the person in the prologue.
That's how it is in his books usually.
Btw, I really liked you're story.

Hehe! Thankyou! i will google Dan Brown lol

 

[Hassaan Sami]

Hehe! Thankyou! i will google Dan Brown lol

You don't know who he is?

 

[maya <3]

You don't know who he is?

No lol... but now i do.. how could i not know the author of the Davinci Code??

 

[maya <3]

Please read, vote and comment!!
http://www.wattpad.com/story/8402109-nuclear-assassins

 

[@yeshaB]

For all writers......hmmm....I'm a writer. Like I write on my note pad, many statuses and like MUCH more.