~~jokes?? in here?? really??

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.

‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat.
‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied.

‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted
‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.

‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’
‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

How well will you do on your New Year’s Resolutions? Here’s a brief history of some my recent ones:

2005: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2006: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2007: I will read 5 books a year.
2008: I will finish The Pelican Brief.
2009: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2010: I will read at least one article this year.
2011: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

How well will you do on your New Year’s Resolutions? Here’s a brief history of some my recent ones:

2005: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2006: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2007: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2008: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2009.
2009: I will be totally out of debt by 2010.
2010: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2011.
2011: I will try to be out of the country by 2012.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."​

The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.​

The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."​

The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"​

The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.​

The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."​

The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"​

The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.​

The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"​

The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.​

​

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

The two inventors of the bungee rope went to Spain to test their invention. They built a 50-foot tower and, once completed, one of the guys stood on the edge of the platform and dove into the air with the rope tied to his feet. The other guy, standing up on the platform, waited until his friend returned up so that he could grab him. The first time his friend sprung up, he tried to grab him but missed and noticed that his head was swollen. The next time, he missed again and again there was a bruise on his head and face. This time, with much concern, he dove forward to get his partner, pulled him in and asked, "What happened? Is the cord too long?" His partner replied with his face all bloody, "What is piñata?​

​

​

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."​

​

​

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."​

​

 

[legion]

"to do is to be" nietsche
"to be is to do" kent
"do be do be do" scooby doo =P

 

[Nibz]

When I was child,​

my mother used to send me to the store with only Rs.10​

&​

I used to come back with

- 1 Kg Potatoes​

- Packet of Soap​

- Shampoo Bottle​

- 3 Milk Packs​

- Half a Dozen Eggs​

- Galaxy chocolates​

​

- A Pepsi bottle​

and other stuff​

​

​

But​

I can't do that now ​

.
.
.
.
.

​

.​

.​

.​

because of too many security cameras these days. ​

From a book named 'My Child hood', By Mr. Asif Ali Zardari. ​

 

[SalmanPakRocks]

^^^ HAHHAHA
ending was AWESOME

 

[GetSomeLife]

Pathan na apna bacha ka naam america rakh lea . Logo na pocha aap ka dushman ha america aap na apne bache ka naam america rakh lea . Pathan : na kaha hum dunya ko batana chahta ha ka pathan america ka baap ha .

Aur Aes tarah jang shoro ho ge.

America : Hum Chand per jakr jahaz banyge . Pathan : hum soraj pr ja kr naswar banayga . America : Tum jal jaega. Pathan : Hum Pagal nhe hum raat ko jayga.

 

[GetSomeLife]

• Pathan 1st Time Jahaz Pe Baitha:
  .
  Jesy hi Jahaz ka Agla Tyre Ooper Utha, Tu Pathan Pilot ko Maarny Laga.
  .
  
  Aur Bola:
  
  .
  Mai Pehlay He Dara Huwa Hon
  .
  Aur
  .
  Tum Wheeling Kar Rahy Ho. …

 

[GetSomeLife]

A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."

After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"oye pendu shaks... 1 vari ticket to le le"


Translation:
A sardar used to ask God fer d same thing evry night and day:

Sardar: Oh God....PLZ help me to win a big lottery....

after 11 yrs God came nd said:

U idiot....u hav to buy d ticket frst!!

 

[Nibz]

I don't know if someone has already shared this or not but here you go:

 

[alphabravocharlie]

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

exactly

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

a punjabi boy is enrolled in a english medium school
one day it is raining heavily. the boy skips school. the next day when he comes to class the teacher asks him why he is absent.the boy replies;
Dear sir when I come the sky is andhara, pani is ghutanay, rain is cham chama cham, my foot is slip in the garah, and I am dhram in the same garah. In this surate-hal sir.......you say how I come.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

M- mental
A- attack
T- to
H- Human
S- sense

 

[Minato112]

M- mental
A- attack
T- to
H- Human
S- sense

M-Mentally
A-Affected
T-Teachers
H-Harassing
S-Students

 

[alphabravocharlie]

M-Mental
A-Attack
T-To
H-Hardworking
S-Students