~~jokes?? in here?? really??

[GetSomeLife]

Atleast "A" is still "Apple"

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Doctor: You should do exercise daily, it is great for mind and body
Man: I play cricket,volleyball, football regularly..
Doctor: Good, nut how long do you do this..
Man: Until battery of cell goes down…

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Girl: Which laptop do you use?
Boy- Dell XP, i7 procssr 2.5ghz, led display 6gb ram, 1tb hrd disk and 2gb NVDIA grafix crd.
Boy: And which one do you use?
Girl- Black one..

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

WOW

The pope has horns

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

A signboard outside a restaurant said:

"Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill".

A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave the bill he pointed to the signboard, "Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill".

The waiter said, "Sir, this is not your bill. This is your grandfather's bill"

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

A king offered half his kingdom or a 1000 kilos of gold or his daughter's hand in marriage if any brave man could cross a river full of poisonous snakes and crocodiles.

No one voluntered but one young man jumped in to the river and crossed it without any difficulty.

The king asked:
"What do you want brave man, half of my kinddom?"

The man said: "No your majesty"

King: "Then the 1000 kilos of gold?"

Man: "No your majesty"

King: "Then my daughter's hand in marriage?"

Man: "No your majesty"

King: "Then what is it that you want?"

Man: "The name of the person who pushed me in the river"

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

A rich man booked a journey in a helicopter and was boasting to all of his friends that he was travelling in a chopper.

Suddenly the pilot started to laugh out loud. The rich man asked, "Why are you laughing?"

The pilot said, "I wonder what the doctor will think after finding that I have escaped from the asylum.".

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Son of a powerful politician was boasting in a party: Do you know who my father is?
Another guy: Shame on you. You are a grown up guy and still you don't know who your father is.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Member of the audience: Your speech is so fresh.
Speaker: Thank you, why do you say so?
Member of the audience: We wake up feeling fresh after your speech!

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Santa: My friend said that he became a millionaire by listening to my advice.
Banta: Wow! Thats great.
Santa: He also said that if I hadn't given him the advice he would have become a billionaire.


Santa: I am feeling very unwanted. I don't think anyone in this world wants me.
Banta: Why don't you murder a couple of people and rob the bank. You will be very much wanted all over

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
Student: Bamba'lakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I dont understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

sir : if any dought ask me

student : sir, in question paper question is there but in answer paper no answer is there

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?
Student: 5
Teacher: How?
Student: I have a dog in my house now.


Teacher: Suppose, you have 2$. You asked your mother for one more. How many would you have then?
Student: 2$
Teacher: Why?
Student: Because my mother won’t give me any.

 

[Abdullah Yousuf]

teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?

Student: Money.

Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?

Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why