Rate the Argumentative essay.

[Translucent231]

Question: Animals and birds should never be kept in cages. What are your views? Here is my argumentative essay,

In the past two centuries, awareness of the rights of animals has been on the rise. The question whether animals belong to the wild or behind iron is often argued upon. I shall analyze the views of both sides and provide my conclusion.

Firstly, why should animals be caged in the first place? They are wild and uncivilized creatures. They have very narrow aims; eat, sleep, breed , die. They are potentially a threat to humans as there are countless recorded incidents of wild bears roaming into human settlements and going on a rampage, killing young children in search of food, one could question this by considering the fact that humans were the first to intrude into their territory, for natural resources or commercial benefits.

Animals are also prone to cause numerous diseases as they often get poisoned by human waste, particularly industrial effluent, The general population which is affected by these diseases would prefer to have these animals slain, rather than caged. The most dominant reason for caging animals or birds is for personal entertainment, whether it is a lion in a circus forced to jump through loops or if it is a macaw kept in a cage as a pet or "companion". Pet owners can argue that they love the pets they keep as a part of their family, they provide them with food and shelter, something far better than that which they could have ever seen in the wild. Medical attention is provided and ample enjoyment to accompany that "perfect" life, The pet technically lives like a king. research also accounts to animals being caged along with education of the youth through zoos, what education could a zoo provide if the animal is far from its natural habitat?, the only knowledge a child could squeeze out of a zoo is that monkeys like to throw things and they also like shout an awful lot at observers.

Why should the animals be allowed to live in the wild? without a cage and unsupervised? simply put, animals are also living creatures with souls, they also feel pain therefore they also deserve to have rights of their own. They may lack wisdom or intellectual resources which would have allowed them to discover at a rate comparable to humans however it is logical to say that animals only attack when they are threatened. They don't Search for human flesh. Consider the following anomaly for the sake of argument, If there was to be an alien invasion and those aliens were more intelligent and sophisticated than humans, do they have the right to capture humans and keep them as pets in their home planet? by feeding humans with what they believe is "better" for them? would a human live as a pet or prefer to be free ? A sane answer would be to protest and a human would probably kill the entire race of aliens if given the opportunity.

Its obvious that nature has a balanced life cycle. If one link in the food chain is reduced rapidly, its prey will start growing uncontrollably. the ecosystem is a delicate and fragile system which is greatly disturbed by humans. For example, if a forest is knocked down and crops are grown in its place, the larger animals may be easily gotten rid of, as they have no home in this location, however the smaller insects and pests which live underground or are able to easily migrate to any nearby place will bloom in the absence of their predators and result in what we consider an infestation.As far as pets are concerned, If humans are so desperate for companions, We have other humans for that purpose,.


Hence i conclude that animals are not to be kept caged, if the expansion of human settlement is a necessity then animal sanctuaries are also a necessity. The balance of nature is something which should not be offset by simple ignorant behavior.



Rate the Argumentative essay.

 

[multixamza01]

Question: Animals and birds should never be kept in cages. What are your views? Here is my argumentative essay,

In the past two centuries, awareness of the rights of animals has been on the rise. The question whether animals belong to the wild or behind iron is often argued upon. I shall analyze the views of both sides and provide my conclusion.

Firstly, why should animals be caged in the first place? They are wild and uncivilized creatures. They have very narrow aims; eat, sleep, breed , die. They are potentially a threat to humans as there are countless recorded incidents of wild bears roaming into human settlements and going on a rampage, killing young children in search of food, one could question this by considering the fact that humans were the first to intrude into their territory, for natural resources or commercial benefits.

Animals are also prone to cause numerous diseases as they often get poisoned by human waste, particularly industrial effluent, The general population which is affected by these diseases would prefer to have these animals slain, rather than caged. The most dominant reason for caging animals or birds is for personal entertainment, whether it is a lion in a circus forced to jump through loops or if it is a macaw kept in a cage as a pet or "companion". Pet owners can argue that they love the pets they keep as a part of their family, they provide them with food and shelter, something far better than that which they could have ever seen in the wild. Medical attention is provided and ample enjoyment to accompany that "perfect" life, The pet technically lives like a king. research also accounts to animals being caged along with education of the youth through zoos, what education could a zoo provide if the animal is far from its natural habitat?, the only knowledge a child could squeeze out of a zoo is that monkeys like to throw things and they also like shout an awful lot at observers.

Why should the animals be allowed to live in the wild? without a cage and unsupervised? simply put, animals are also living creatures with souls, they also feel pain therefore they also deserve to have rights of their own. They may lack wisdom or intellectual resources which would have allowed them to discover at a rate comparable to humans however it is logical to say that animals only attack when they are threatened. They don't Search for human flesh. Consider the following anomaly for the sake of argument, If there was to be an alien invasion and those aliens were more intelligent and sophisticated than humans, do they have the right to capture humans and keep them as pets in their home planet? by feeding humans with what they believe is "better" for them? would a human live as a pet or prefer to be free ? A sane answer would be to protest and a human would probably kill the entire race of aliens if given the opportunity.

Its obvious that nature has a balanced life cycle. If one link in the food chain is reduced rapidly, its prey will start growing uncontrollably. the ecosystem is a delicate and fragile system which is greatly disturbed by humans. For example, if a forest is knocked down and crops are grown in its place, the larger animals may be easily gotten rid of, as they have no home in this location, however the smaller insects and pests which live underground or are able to easily migrate to any nearby place will bloom in the absence of their predators and result in what we consider an infestation.As far as pets are concerned, If humans are so desperate for companions, We have other humans for that purpose,.


Hence i conclude that animals are not to be kept caged, if the expansion of human settlement is a necessity then animal sanctuaries are also a necessity. The balance of nature is something which should not be offset by simple ignorant behavior.



Rate the Argumentative essay.

I didn't read past the 1st para. the last line of the 1st para ruins the impression. It's called ''Argumentative'' for a reason.

 

[Translucent231]

I believe you have insufficient knowledge regarding the difference in a Persuasive Essay and an Argumentative Essay, A persuasive essay only deals with one view and defends it, An argumentative essay deals with both sides of the argument and by logical reasoning proves which view is correct as a conclusion.

If you did not mean to say that i should not consider both sides then please elaborate what you meant by your reply.

 

[smzimran]

AoA,
I would rate it 7.5 / 10

 

[multixamza01]

I believe you have insufficient knowledge regarding the difference in a Persuasive Essay and an Argumentative Essay, A persuasive essay only deals with one view and defends it, An argumentative essay deals with both sides of the argument and by logical reasoning proves which view is correct as a conclusion..

Yeah . So is that why you started by being neutral and concluded talking in favor of the Topic? Nice Move!
You've taken an emotional tone in the essay , which is used to persuade people . I guess , you yourself don't know the difference between a persuasive and argumentative topic. This is the difference :
There is no difference .
Persuasion cannot be done unless you argue . What you are referring to in the post above is a Declamation .
Therefore , according to the Law Of Common Sense i'd give you 6/10 .
Reasons :
You contradicted yourself by first being neutral and then choosing one side . The examiner will think your essay was poorly planned and penalize you .
Then your essay , though is written well , but it doesn't have the spark of an argumentative essay . It's more like a debate , like your on stage and your saying all this .
Third , there are grammatical errors . Not slips , errors!
Fourth , a lot of words are not used properly . The examiner might think your just ''showing off big words'' to impress him and this will work against you .
All said here's my advice :

Don't attempt argumentative . No matter how well you think you can write , no matter how attractive the topic is , no matter how easy it seems , no matter how many ideas come to your mind , no matter pretty much everything .
You have excellent writing ability . Don't waste it , it would be better to attempt narrative and get a good grade then attempt argumentative , and regret .

 

[smzimran]

Yeah . So is that why you started by being neutral and concluded talking in favor of the Topic? Nice Move!
You've taken an emotional tone in the essay , which is used to persuade people . I guess , you yourself don't know the difference between a persuasive and argumentative topic. This is the difference :
There is no difference .
Persuasion cannot be done unless you argue . What you are referring to in the post above is a Declamation .
Therefore , according to the Law Of Common Sense i'd give you 6/10 .
Reasons :
You contradicted yourself by first being neutral and then choosing one side . The examiner will think your essay was poorly planned and penalize you .
Then your essay , though is written well , but it doesn't have the spark of an argumentative essay . It's more like a debate , like your on stage and your saying all this .
Third , there are grammatical errors . Not slips , errors!
Fourth , a lot of words are not used properly . The examiner might think your just ''showing off big words'' to impress him and this will work against you .
All said here's my advice :

Don't attempt argumentative . No matter how well you think you can write , no matter how attractive the topic is , no matter how easy it seems , no matter how many ideas come to your mind , no matter pretty much everything .
You have excellent writing ability . Don't waste it , it would be better to attempt narrative and get a good grade then attempt argumentative , and regret .

I agree to the fact that
DONT ATTEMPT ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAYS !!!

 

[badrobot14]

I agree to the fact that
DONT ATTEMPT ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAYS !!!

yes.. for argumentative one needs maturity of thought and to consider topic from many aspects, it should be your last resort if you want a good grade.....

 

[Translucent231]

Thanks for your time guys! I really appreciate your advice!

And...

Yeah . So is that why you started by being neutral and concluded talking in favor of the Topic? Nice Move!
You've taken an emotional tone in the essay , which is used to persuade people . I guess , you yourself don't know the difference between a persuasive and argumentative topic. This is the difference :
There is no difference .
Persuasion cannot be done unless you argue . What you are referring to in the post above is a Declamation .
Therefore , according to the Law Of Common Sense i'd give you 6/10 .
Reasons :
You contradicted yourself by first being neutral and then choosing one side . The examiner will think your essay was poorly planned and penalize you .
Then your essay , though is written well , but it doesn't have the spark of an argumentative essay . It's more like a debate , like your on stage and your saying all this .
Third , there are grammatical errors . Not slips , errors!
Fourth , a lot of words are not used properly . The examiner might think your just ''showing off big words'' to impress him and this will work against you .
All said here's my advice :

Don't attempt argumentative . No matter how well you think you can write , no matter how attractive the topic is , no matter how easy it seems , no matter how many ideas come to your mind , no matter pretty much everything .
You have excellent writing ability . Don't waste it , it would be better to attempt narrative and get a good grade then attempt argumentative , and regret .

@multixamza01 Thank you very much for your reply, really informative but..... from what i've learned so far, you are not supposed to state your opinion in the introduction, our opinion is supposed to be in the conclusion.

damn, I've written an awful piece of shit :[ well it was my first argumentative essay anyway what do you expect

 

[Vogue]

Yeah . So is that why you started by being neutral and concluded talking in favor of the Topic? Nice Move!
You've taken an emotional tone in the essay , which is used to persuade people . I guess , you yourself don't know the difference between a persuasive and argumentative topic. This is the difference :
There is no difference .
Persuasion cannot be done unless you argue . What you are referring to in the post above is a Declamation .
Therefore , according to the Law Of Common Sense i'd give you 6/10 .
Reasons :
You contradicted yourself by first being neutral and then choosing one side . The examiner will think your essay was poorly planned and penalize you .
Then your essay , though is written well , but it doesn't have the spark of an argumentative essay . It's more like a debate , like your on stage and your saying all this .
Third , there are grammatical errors . Not slips , errors!
Fourth , a lot of words are not used properly . The examiner might think your just ''showing off big words'' to impress him and this will work against you .
All said here's my advice :

Don't attempt argumentative . No matter how well you think you can write , no matter how attractive the topic is , no matter how easy it seems , no matter how many ideas come to your mind , no matter pretty much everything .
You have excellent writing ability . Don't waste it , it would be better to attempt narrative and get a good grade then attempt argumentative , and regret .

u sound a very professional person in english language( i m not being sarcastic; i m appreciating ur knowledge) so yea i just want to take help. here u mentioned that in start, she was being neutral...so does it mean dat in argumentative essay , from the very beginning v got to choose one side nd den argue for both the sides?

 

[Vogue]

nd @multixamza01 I hv one more question. u talked abt a spark for argumentative. how does that cum? cz i myself feel lyk my argumentative essay always sounds lyk a debate or sumthing. nd i realise dat many ppl around here suggest not to opt for argumentative but dats kinda impossible cz wenever i c the examination ppr, the only topic for which i m able to put sumthing on ppr, seems lyk an argumentative topic.

 

[Translucent231]

ha!! i'm totally going to write some other non argumentative essay and see how that turns out ^^

 

[multixamza01]

u sound a very professional person in english language( i m not being sarcastic; i m appreciating ur knowledge) so yea i just want to take help. here u mentioned that in start, she was being neutral...so does it mean dat in argumentative essay , from the very beginning v got to choose one side nd den argue for both the sides?

well , the professional part is ...... :blushes: . I haven't even given my paper yet .
as for your question , yeah i think you should . The examiner only has your essay . He doesn't know , who you are , what you have prepared , how hard you studied , what was in your mind at the time , what you were thinking , nothing . So you can't leave even a shred of doubt in his mind as to your potential .
Take this for example :
In the start of story , you are boy . and at the end a girl ! how would you feel if you had to check a paper like this ?

nd @multixamza01 I hv one more question. u talked abt a spark for argumentative. how does that cum? cz i myself feel lyk my argumentative essay always sounds lyk a debate or sumthing. nd i realise dat many ppl around here suggest not to opt for argumentative but dats kinda impossible cz wenever i c the examination ppr, the only topic for which i m able to put sumthing on ppr, seems lyk an argumentative topic.

Argumentative are a trap for us . They are actually set for very weak candidates , whose standard is so poor that the flunk. So this is a chance for them to score apassing grade. They can score an E or D and they stay happy! this shows how understanding are the examiners . On the other hand The Argumentative are for the very strong candidates, the distinction scorers . Their maturity and discipline in writing helps them tackle the topic easily .Mostly , including me , candidates lie in between . So we should avoid it.

Remember :
Paper 1 - is your attack on the Examiner . It's all you , write whatever you want. The Examiner will have to check it .
Paper 2 - is the Examiner's attack on you . No matter what the question . You have to attempt it .

 

[Vogue]

well , the professional part is ...... :blushes: . I haven't even given my paper yet .
as for your question , yeah i think you should . The examiner only has your essay . He doesn't know , who you are , what you have prepared , how hard you studied , what was in your mind at the time , what you were thinking , nothing . So you can't leave even a shred of doubt in his mind as to your potential .
Take this for example :
In the start of story , you are boy . and at the end a girl ! how would you feel if you had to check a paper like this ?



Argumentative are a trap for us . They are actually set for very weak candidates , whose standard is so poor that the flunk. So this is a chance for them to score apassing grade. They can score an E or D and they stay happy! this shows how understanding are the examiners . On the other hand The Argumentative are for the very strong candidates, the distinction scorers . Their maturity and discipline in writing helps them tackle the topic easily .Mostly , including me , candidates lie in between . So we should avoid it.

Remember :
Paper 1 - is your attack on the Examiner . It's all you , write whatever you want. The Examiner will have to check it .
Paper 2 - is the Examiner's attack on you . No matter what the question . You have to attempt it .

i hv dis doubt that is it possible dat just opting for an argumentative, makes the examiner THINK dat v r strong in language nd able to WRITE nd argue? besides isnt it dat very few ppl go for argumentative, so the few who ryt it, has a chance of a low percentile nd thus getting an A

 

[multixamza01]

i hv dis doubt that is it possible dat just opting for an argumentative, makes the examiner THINK dat v r strong in language nd able to WRITE nd argue? besides isnt it dat very few ppl go for argumentative, so the few who ryt it, has a chance of a low percentile nd thus getting an A

only if the examiner thinks you deserve it. It all depends on the examiner. And English is taken all over the world . The ''low percentile'' is not low at all

 

[Msealol]

Well, it certainly isn't my place to judge, but I think if I'm able to get 25/30 for an argumentative frequently, then I should be entitled to say something constructive. Personally, if its a "what are your views" question, get to the point- Should they, or should they NOT be free? Why? And list down obvious counter arguments people may throw at you, and then make seem as though they were so minute, compared to what you're agreeing or disagreeing on; basically make a molehill out of a mountain. Also, try to make it seem as though, not only will it not have a disadvantage, but if you did thy you would have an advantage as well, compared to "......" Where you may lose out and eventually "Insert bad thins here."

 

[hadi6512]

Well, I am startled after reading these above comments!....I myself gave my english O'lvl examination in 2009 and i attempted Argumentative essays, then in my A.lvls i also gave General Paper which also consists of Argumentative essay....Bro, I personally beleive that these are the easied most essys bcoz the topic whcih comes, is normally from our societ which iz easier to construct....There iz nothing like , "Argumentative iz for Distinction Holders", this iz a mere misconception in our society...I was an average studnet and i attepted argumenative and Got an A in English.....And i will rate your essay 5/10...this is because your sentence structure is totally vague, u need to use complex sentence syntax which iz a neccesity on Argumentative writings...Moreover, u didn't used even a single connector which iz really really necessry in formal writing,,, Connectors could be: Moreover, Furthermore, In addition, Despite that, However, Onthe other hand, In a nut shell, in conculusin etc.....These connectors give continiuty to ur writing which iz really integral for Argumentative writing and which was lacking in ur above essay...so just improve these things and so it not a big deal to get an A in argumenative writing!

 

[aazz99]

Well, I am startled after reading these above comments!....I myself gave my english O'lvl examination in 2009 and i attempted Argumentative essays, then in my A.lvls i also gave General Paper which also consists of Argumentative essay....Bro, I personally beleive that these are the easied most essys bcoz the topic whcih comes, is normally from our societ which iz easier to construct....There iz nothing like , "Argumentative iz for Distinction Holders", this iz a mere misconception in our society...I was an average studnet and i attepted argumenative and Got an A in English.....And i will rate your essay 5/10...this is because your sentence structure is totally vague, u need to use complex sentence syntax which iz a neccesity on Argumentative writings...Moreover, u didn't used even a single connector which iz really really necessry in formal writing,,, Connectors could be: Moreover, Furthermore, In addition, Despite that, However, Onthe other hand, In a nut shell, in conculusin etc.....These connectors give continiuty to ur writing which iz really integral for Argumentative writing and which was lacking in ur above essay...so just improve these things and so it not a big deal to get an A in argumenative writing!

I also think in the same way that argumentative are easy to write on...as you have written an argumentative essay in CIE and achieved an A grade I would like to ask you do we have to give counterarguments at the end of each paragraph and refute them right away ?

 

[Deadly Orchid]

23/30

P.S: Read "Life of Pi" and you will have some excellent inspiration to write an essay with such topic!

 

[aazz99]

i hv dis doubt that is it possible dat just opting for an argumentative, makes the examiner THINK dat v r strong in language nd able to WRITE nd argue? besides isnt it dat very few ppl go for argumentative, so the few who ryt it, has a chance of a low percentile nd thus getting an A

I also get the same feeling and I have seen some people saying that examiners are very strict on narratives and would like to know how should we start an argumentative essay and what would be the appropriate length for the introduction of an argumentative essay

 

[facerthomas]

It is really nice. I really appreciate your effort. I cannot do an essay with this much patience and effort. I lack writing skills badly and I used to buy essays from some of best essay writing companies