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“OMG... Look at him, he’s soo cutee!! <3“

N.M

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“OMG... Look at him, he’s soo cutee!! <3“

That one look and whoa, you’re flat! Your heart skips a beat every time you look at him. You just want to be looking at him forever and possibilities are that you day (and night) dream about him! Am I right or am I right? :p

Teenage crushes are like the second most common thing that every teenage girl/guy goes through. Blame it on the hormones, you might say. For the most part, yes, you can do that! But shouldn’t we act a little grown up enough to take the responsibility for our actions too?!

Why should we be careful while dealing with guys?
As muslimahs, we all know that our hijab does not end with the way we dress! It’s also about how we portray ourselves towards others. It’s about our actions, too! So, to begin with, getting too cozy and personal with a non-mahram [1] is not halal and in-fact it can even nullify the entire purpose of the hijab!

Having said that, allow me to tell you the story of Sara.

Sara was a 16 year old muslimah. When she joined her high school, she had her goals clear! Study well, make her parents proud, communicate less with guys, be a good muslimah and daughter, like her parents wanted her to be.

All was well, until she saw him. He was tall, cute and had the personality any girl would fall for. Once in a while their eyes met and her heart would skip a beat! Before she knew it, she had a crush on him. It is normal to have crushes as a teenager, right? She hoped that soon like all of the other crushes she had once in a while, this crush will also go away.

When he sent her a Facebook friend request, it put her in a dilemma, “Should I or should I not accept it?!” She kept wondering until she reasoned out to herself “well it’s just on fb, what’s the big deal!” and she accepted it! Next thing she knew, they were private chatting on Facebook. Soon, she even convinced herself that it was OK to give her number to him.

They became very close friends. Her day started with him and ended with him. She would spend maximum time in school with him. When she returned home, they would talk over the phone or just message for hours. She felt anxious when he replied to her message even a little late. She shared every little and big part of her life with him and unknowing to her, soon enough she was addicted to him!

Finally she confessed to him that she had fallen in “love” with him and what happened next, happened!

Things did not end with that, her addiction caused her to be so into him that she did whatever pleased him. Whether it was right or wrong, that was never a question. Afterall, “Love is blind”, right?! Well, that’s what she had learnt from those romantic films she saw and the novels she read!

What started for Sara as just friendship had turned into a prison of desires! Holding on to it was hard; escaping from it was even harder!

The story of Sara is not uncommon, majority of such haram relationships start with a casual friendship, which if not limited to a certain level can cause you a great fall.

Like sister Sadaf Farooqi tells us,” The heart is the seat of desires. If one becomes slave to their desires, the result is nothing but chronic disappointment, distress and anguish.” [2]

A lecturer of mine used to say “A fool learns from his mistakes while a wise person learns from the mistakes of others!” It doesn’t mean we don’t derive lessons from our own mistakes, but just to remind us that it is better to learn things from others rather than being foolish enough to do the same thing ourselves and regretting in future.

So, to save ourselves from the regrets let’s see what lessons we learn from this story. A few reasons as to why we should maintain distance from guys:

1. We want to maintain the sanctity of our hijabs.
2. We do not want to get into a haram relationship.
3. We do not want to be a prisoner of our desires.
4. We want to save ourselves from being heartbroken.
5. We want to reserve ourselves for someone who truly deserves us!
6. Above all, we want to live and die a life that is pleasing to Allah subhaana wa ta'aala.

Now that we have good reasons for not crossing that level of comfort with boys, let’s figure out how we can go about it.

Tips for saving yourself from getting close and personal with boys

#1 – Maintain the hijab of speech:

As a muslimah, who is studying in a co-ed university herself, I know it’s close to impossible to stop interacting with guys. Every now and then, we do end up in situations where we have to talk to them. There are a few things that we should keep in mind when communicating with them.

• Make sure that your conversation is not personal or even general. It may happen that you have to talk to them because they are your partners in lab, team mates for a project or due to other reasons. Make sure that your conversations are straight to the point. Don’t let it go to a level where it gets personal. He may appear to be a low today, but as selfish as it sounds, that’s really not your business. If you try being sweet and ask him about it, you will be opening your door to getting personal with him. So, don’t! As soon as you realise that the conversation is going astray, cut it off right away!

Allah – The Most High – said: • “And do not be soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire. But instead, speak in an honorable manner.”[3]

• Maintain a level of maturity around guys. It’s ok to act kiddish and be little immature around your girlfriends at times, but not in the presence of guys. Be decent in your speech and do not act all giggly around him.
• No touching, holding hands, hugging, flirting. There is no question about this being OK!
• Do not give your cell-number or personal id to any guy. If you do end up giving them because of necessity, then not indulge in casual/useless conversations with him!

#2 – Never be alone together:

“Whenever a man is alone with a woman, the devil makes the third” [4]
Do not be alone with him; even if it’s just while messaging him or talking over the phone. You are just giving shaytan a chance to get better of you both! Remember that even if no one knows, Allah does. He subhaana wa ta’alaa is watching you, so do not cross the line!

#3 – It always starts with small things:


Another lesson from the story of Sara is how shaytan lays down the plan. It all starts with the small things which seem very trivial! He might come up to you and whisper in your heart “what’s wrong in having a casual conversation with him?” or “I am not flirting with him or in a relationship, it’s alright to be just friends.”
• Shaytan knows he can’t get you to commit major sins right away, so he builds a path to it in a very clever manner. Beware of him and do not fall for it! Save yourself from him!

#4 – The Golden Rule:

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze...” [5]
What we see sends a direct message to our heart! I understand it’s hard to not look again at something that is pleasing to your eyes, but remember the reward for it is immense! So, lower your gaze, girls!

Allah the Mighty and Exalted says, “When I test My slave regarding the two things he loves and he shows fortitude, I repay him for them with the Garden.”[6]

Think about it. Is that second look really worth giving away a gift from Allah? What’s better – a second of pleasure or a lifetime of happiness? The choice is ours!

Dear Sister, do not do anything that will leave you regretting all your life!

Like a sister put it - the safest philosophy when dealing with guys is remembering this“He’s not what I want, so why should I do anything to make him interested in me? That’ll just make for a painfully awkward situation and it’s not worth the sin anyhow.”[7]

If you think he really loves you or vice versa, remember there is a time for everything. Be patient, the man you are bound to spend your entire life with has already been decreed. Why risk our akhirah over such things?! For now, put your effort and time in doing things that are pleasing to Allah, everything else will fall into place, inshaAllah!

May Allah give us the strength to supress our desires for his sake and never to cross our line. Ameen.


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N.M

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OMG. this was such a useful and kinda cute piece.I will confess that every girl have that crush. but you have to immediately earned control over yourself. i knew that it is very temporary. what is permanent in my life was my family. my studies/career and MY ALLAH. that i wanted not to be least effected by the temporary desire. I use to deal with guys everyday in my class but Alhumdulillah i never get weak in front of those i kinda like a bit or those i consider just a classmate. and i enjoy its advantage. Alhumudlillah I get the opportunity to leave the school and the local board for much more valued CIE. Girls with me who proved weaker. and went on to be a bit more free with any guy today have fake vulgar id's of them made over fb.Being a girl There is this one message to other girls. it is fine to dream about your prince charming. or to have a crush. you have no control on that, but never let go your pride. your values. your reputation. your religion and there is better chance for you to have your prince charming. on basis of your better education, better reputation and probably as a gift from God.
 
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Thank you miss Miss N.M. for sharing with us one vital aspect if our social life. This is in fact hemorrhaging the society more than ever. I know that this crushes and relationships are due to the hormones and this is something we cannot control but there are ways where we can restrain our emotions from being wayward and that is what I will try to touch.
Digging upon this matter, I found that the reason why both girls and boys want to engage in relationship is that it has become a modern trend. The Quran has explained this phenomenon well enough- “Say, ‘Not equal are the evil and the good, although the abundance of evil might impress you.’ So fear Allah, O you of understanding, that you may be successful.” (Surah Al-Mai’dah Verse 100). People nowadays consider this as the most obvious thing and those who avoid them are in fact seen to be “odd” ones. Now why did this trend occur? One prominent reason being is that it brings some sort of passing time for teenagers in a “pleasant” manner. Funny thing is that it is a medium of entertainment (perhaps the best method) but it kills the time for both the guy and the girl and believe me, I have seen people ignoring their prayers only to spend some more time with their so called “dream person”. This is Shaitan’s way of controlling people and the worst part I have seen Hijab girls engaging in relationship in my University and I have witnessed other awkward scenes which is truly not worth mentioning here. Don’t think I like watching these things; they all do it in front of the public so it happens I look at them by accident. And it hurts to see religious people going astray.

I met one guy whom I believed was really well disciplined but after 1 week he transformed completely and was like chasing after girls. At least he got blessed with religious parents but when I approached him and said that whatever he was doing is totally awful and it is haram. He was like, “Please don’t teach me all this, I spent my time at home being fully restricted by my parents, the only freedom I get is at my University and it is the only time of the day where I can enjoy my life.” I said that our life here is not for enjoyment and it is good to be disciplined but he was persistent saying, “I really don’t care, a man needs to have his entertainment and that is what I am doing.” I once more pointed out that he has now become too obsessed and needs to control himself but he once more said he really does not bother. I finally concluded he was no less than a hypocrite and I never spoke with him. There are few things which I have learnt by talking to him. The most significant part was that he said he wanted “entertainment”, this pointed out that he does not believe in heaven and the Hereafter, he suspects that there is no life after death and this time is his time for entertainment rather than self sacrifice but sadly the boy completely lost himself and has gone astray. I tried more than once to help and recover him but I could not and finally I had to cut contact with him as he turned more and more disgusting. He is undoubtedly a hypocrite and it has been warned in the Quran more than once that a hypocrite is just another unbeliever. His behavior taught me even more things of how he interacted with girls. He is not a very good looking so most of the times girls always give them the cold shoulder. So in the end he is the loser and he is the sufferer and is still dreaming about getting a girlfriend.

Another friend, (used to be a friend) who is a half Bangladeshi and Pakistani experienced even greater pain and is still down. He claimed that he has experienced breakups more than thrice and even he is worried over his current one (poor lad) and I have talked about this matter and I asked him why was relationship so important for him, well his reply was even stranger, “You don’t want to live with an unknown girl all your life.” I said, “But still, just look at you; you are just suffering from frustrations.” And he said, “Love requires sacrifices”, furthermore he was determined with the fact that he can never justify an arrange marriage and I said that you need to consult your parents before marrying anyone and he looked as if he was least bother with it as he said, “It is my life and I will decide.” Let me tell you I used to love this guy because of his creativity and his perception. He is very intelligent and very artistic. He even used to play cricket and even played at the division level but his ex-girlfriend made him leave it as he could not give her time. He could have been one of the best players but his passion for his girlfriend offset his passion for cricket and averted him from being the person he wanted to be. One thing good about him is that he is an honest lover and never said no to the orders of his ex-girlfriends but sadly he was just too emotional and the girls made use of him. I know only of his last two breakups, they broke up because the girl’s parents arranged her marriage and she could not influence them to stop it. I met that guy in our Accounting coaching and he in fact got the news of her marriage in class and believe me the way he cried totally grieved us all. Seeing his shattered face made me almost cry and I also saw the faces of others. Just like me, the guys were feeling miserable and girls were staring down looking pale and even our teacher grew silent. His weeping is one of the scenes I will never forget in my life. He has given up his dream, lied to his parents continuously and asked money from them only to satisfy his so called “future wives” but the ultimate result was nil. Another breakup of his occurred as the girl decided to leave him for another guy. He could have lived a much better life without any relationship. His present girlfriend is even more amusing than his former ones. She happens to be a half Bangladeshi and German, he said it is the perfect fit for him as he is not a pure Bangladeshi, I don’t know how long this last will but I haven’t heard anything from him for a long time, he does not like me as I don’t support his views.

The reason why I shared the experience of these people is not to make a mockery out of them but to give you people examples of how relationships can have an adverse effect on a person’s life. I wish I could give an example from the point of view of a female but I really don’t talk to girls without necessity. Firstly, I am a self strict person who does not engage in any sort of nuisance. Frankly I never even had a crush as I never felt like I need a female company, this all for the blessings of Allah. From my experience I learnt that those who want to stay steadfast, Allah will surely support them. I know girls go for relationships as they get jeopardized by the praises of guys and they don’t realize that. But I tell you what, always remember that Allah is watching you and is looking after you. Some girls want to get freedom from loneliness as well from the feeling of insecurity but always remember Allah is always with you and he protects the righteous no matter what. He guided even on the days when I proved Him to be disloyal- neglecting prayers but He never allowed me to go astray. So have that faith in your mind and even at times of dilemma ask yourself two questions- “Is it okay in the eyes of my parent?” and “Is it ideal in the view of Islam as in when concerning Allah?”, trust me it will never fail and even when things look desperate at times, recite Aitul Kursi and Darood Sharif. Allah and his angels will protect you. I am saying this specially addressing the females because they are the more emotional ones. Trust me, people will criticize you and of course they will provoke you to become like you. My school days were bad as girls and guys used to tease me. My gazing down while talking to girls has been called “immature” while I not uttering any swear words have been viewed as being “childish”. Guys used to tease me saying dirty things while girls used to tease me and used to give me tips of how to become “cooler” but I never wanted to lose my originality. And in the University the people say that my sort of behavior is not accepted at this level (I am not ashamed of saying all this as this is what I am and this is how Allah has made me). Yes people will want to make you become like them, you may even turn into an enemy of your state but never lose your Iman as it is the most important thing in your life and it is with Iman that Allah will value you in the Day of Judgment. Just because the other people are like this doesn’t mean that you have become like them, then where is your individuality? My friends, this is not a very big problem as it can be controlled from thinking deep inside. Keeping yourself strong is the main thing. And when all things seem wrong return to the Book, it will show you the right path. For my part, I am the most hated person at home; just two days back my mother scolded me heavily of my daily routine of waking up in the middle of the night and rampaging the whole house. I wake up for Tahajjud and after that I recite the Quran till it is time of Fajr. The light of my room enter in her room and it disturbs her “beauty sleep”… She said that I am going extreme and said that “being too religious will never help”, I really don’t bother what she says, as I am the only person in my home who prays regularly. I just want to set things right not for myself but rather the world. I know I am sounding like a crazy person but I only want the righteous to remain the way they are because it hurts to see believers going astray. I wish to see a world where girls can feely roam the streets wearing Hijab with no guys staring at them and giving them the proper respect. That will be the day our Iman will be the strongest.
May Allah protect us all from the path of Shaitan. Ameen! :)
 
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N.M. The thread is so lesson-extracting, so worthy to have been read and simmered in oneself :) May Allah reward you for sharing it! :)
Saiyan Just do as you do, people will always find ways to criticize you. Satisfying people should never be the option; that one thing is impossible no matter what. Allah will take you further along your path of steadfastness (Ameen)!

I'd only want to say a few things in response to all that has already been said. I disagree to the blame on 'hormones', as well as using the excuse of being a teenager. Islam has distinguished a baligh (which most of us are, although being 'teenagers') as someone who is responsible for the consquences of his/her own actions. Why do we excuse our 'mistakes' by calling ourselves 'immature'? In one way or the other, I think, being in a group of guys these days ain't that dangerous as being in a group of girls. With guys, you're a one-man army; you think and act on your own. With the girls(there are exceptions though), there's a lot more chance to get your mind polluted with what they say. :p

It's all about containing yourself and knowing what others need to know about you and what not. To me, interacting with guys (at school or otherwise) actually made me realize 'this' important thing. That doesn't mean that I support the 'arrange-marriage-is-a-flop' thoery :p One should set their limits and then strictly adhere to them. If you know you can't restrain yourself, then just rule out your wishes and stay quiet with the boys. :p Rest assured, I praise girls like N.M and guys like Saiyan who've found the best way to uphold their beliefs and balance their 'Deen' and 'Duniya' all the same. :)
 

badrobot14

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First thing that came to my mind whn I saw the title was 'this must have the pic of some really cute chubby little kid...' turns out I was very wrong to assume that...
anyway, Awesome thread.. jazakillah khaair for creating it... may Allah S.W.T protect us from falling into sins.. aameen..
 
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BE A MAN - Message to the youth

A young Muslim man sent to Shaikh Ali Tantawi asking him for Fatwah about his love to a girl he met. So the Shaikh answered him:”BE A MAN in your love! Do not be a “thief” trying to “steal” a glance through the window of that girl, or steal a word from her…. Then little by little you follow the path of misguidance; after taking a glance from her you would love to talk to her, and after talking to her you would love to sit with her alone, and so on…. Until it comes to an unfortunate end for both of you. It will be just like someone who trundles a stone from the top of a mountain so it won’t stop until it reaches the bottom.

Just BE A MAN,
go to her father, tell him “I love your daughter and I think she loves me too, I want to marry her”
or let your mother go to hers to ask for her hand in marriage.
This is the “door” from which you should enter!
But unfortunately, the youth nowadays neglect “the door” and enter from “the window”!”
“A love that starts from the window, will end and go out from that window! But the love which starts from the door (means have Halal start) will always be blessed!”
so, always make sure to have pure Halal starts to have the blessed love.
 
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Thank u so much 4 da advice.:D
May Allah bless u for writing this thread.Its really helpful.
May Allah also bless this kind of wise knowledge on whole mankind......................:D
Pls say Aameen....
 
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I just understand one more thing.
The ''LIKE'' button is only pressed when someone really likes the post.
I dont know why everyone after the post asks the viewer to hit ''LIKE'' button , whether anyone likes it or not......
Can someone tell me about the logic in this....................
 
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