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~~jokes?? in here?? really??

M

MuslimGirl

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English cricket is weird. The thinnest guy in the team is called BROAD, the ugliest is called SWANN. The guy behind the wicket is called PRIOR. The slowest fielder is TROTT, but they got one right: the dumbest guy is called BELL.
 
GetSomeLife

GetSomeLife

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hafsahhassan said:
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her trolley. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don’t be upset. It won’t be long now.”
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Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Monica, don’t cry - only two more aisles to go and then we’ll be checking out.”

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamour for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, “Monica, we’ll be through this check out stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Monica,” he began.

The mother replied, “I’m Monica - my little girl’s name is Tammy.”
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hey......u copied ma joke! (kinda)
 
Khalil Rizvi

Khalil Rizvi

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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.​
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor,​
"Can I help you?"​
The man said,​
"Sure!​
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I've come to install the phone!"LMAO:p​
 
Khalil Rizvi

Khalil Rizvi

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A married couple underwent a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burnt. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.​
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her Buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also to honor their secret.After all, this was a very delicate matter.​
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After the surgery was complete, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had been before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!​
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One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"​
​
"My darling," she replied,;)​
"I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek;);)​
 
Khalil Rizvi

Khalil Rizvi

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hafsahhassan said:
English cricket is weird. The thinnest guy in the team is called BROAD, the ugliest is called SWANN. The guy behind the wicket is called PRIOR. The slowest fielder is TROTT, but they got one right: the dumbest guy is called BELL.
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Hahahah. You gave me one more reason to hate CRICKET :p
 
M

MuslimGirl

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Your first day of class

This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.



--Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.

--Sit in the front and colour in your textbook.

--When the professor calls your name in roll, respond “that’s my name, don’t wear it out!”

--Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

--Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
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--Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

--Sing your questions.

--When the professor calls roll, after each name scream “THAT’S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry.”

--Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O’Reilly.

--Address the professor as “your Excellency”.

--Shout “WOW!” after every sentence of the lecture.

--Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, “Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?” Become agitated when the professor can’t understand you.

--Watch the professor through binoculars.

--Start waving in a large lecture hall.

--Ask to introduce your “invisible friend” in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

--Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even if it’s Smith. Claim that the ‘i’ is silent.

--As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor’s reply and proceed to do so anyway.

--Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write “Signup Sheet #5” at the top, and start passing it around the room.

--Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.

--Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, “Can you spell that?”

--Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.
 
GetSomeLife

GetSomeLife

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GetSomeLife said:
A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3-year-old grandson at every turn.​



It's obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.​



Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long; easy boy.'​



Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, 'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here; hang in there.'​



At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get mad -- we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert.'​



Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.'​



'Thanks, lady,' replied gramps, 'But I'm Albert . . . the little jerk's name is Johnny.'​
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its almost d same......but it doesnt really matter......
 
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