~~jokes?? in here?? really??

[M Rizwan Kabir]

 

[M Rizwan Kabir]

 

[M Rizwan Kabir]

 

[WhereAmazingHappens]

....evolution

 

[WhereAmazingHappens]

best coach ever

 

[somya]

One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified.
On the next Railway station the driver was caught: He was questioned how the incident happened.
He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc.
Then authorities questioned : Are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger. You should have overran that person.
The driver replied: “Exactly, that is what I also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.”

 

[somya]

Early one morning, a mother Sardarni went in to wake up her Sardar son.
“Wake up, son. “
“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”
“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!”

 

[somya]

 

[somya]

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys.
They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts. The American PM called for one of his man and told him to jump off and take a round swimming around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, “See the guts!”
Now the German PM called out for one of his man and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!”
Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.
The Trainee promptly replied, ” Why the hell should I ???”
The PM proudly said, “See the guts!”

 

[somya]

Before Marriage – - – (must read)

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you hug me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you beat me up?
Boy: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!

After marriage – - – simply read from bottom to top.

 

[somya]

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey themessage through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.
Second, the man is drinking our Cola and
Third, our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

 

[somya]

Jack’s grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautifulnew wife was ignoring him more and more.
On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
“Diane,” he said, “The only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied, “I don’t care who gave you the money!”

 

[somya]

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
“Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
“Wow, thank you”, said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little oldtelevision set.
“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up”, said the priest. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, andpreached God’s word.”
“Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driverdrove, everyone prayed!”

 

[somya]

A drunken man phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.
“They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.
“Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

 

[GetSomeLife]

Excuse me sir, but this is a thread for jokes, if you didn't know (I'm sure you know what a 'joke' is).
Kindly don't post this stuff here.

Excused bro! Now how about you "ignore" just one off topic post.

 

[somya]

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000″ ?
The Indian replies:
“Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return’”

Ah, the mind of the Indian…

 

[GetSomeLife]

 

[GetSomeLife]

 

[GetSomeLife]

 

[GetSomeLife]