Mark my Essay?

[ROCK THE FIRST]

Please can some mark these and give me marks out of 30?

 

[Oreos]

I can't say how much you would score but some tips:

~The story line doesn't hold as much importance as much as grammar, spellings, punctuation and vocabulary does.
~Good use of words like Meanwhile etc. Gives it an unfolding touch.
~You have many spelling mistakes, check them.
~Don't cut so many words out. Gives bad impression.
~I saw a few grammar errors so fix that.
Good luck for the exam!

 

[asd]

Many grammar mistakes, unvaried sentences' structures, spelling mistakes..
umm the way my teacher marks me is quite strict, and a/c to that, ure gonna get 18-20 on this.
Little improvement and you can go to band 2. i guess.

 

[ROCK THE FIRST]

Many grammar mistakes, unvaried sentences' structures, spelling mistakes..
umm the way my teacher marks me is quite strict, and a/c to that, ure gonna get 18-20 on this.
Little improvement and you can go to band 2. i guess.

For a while lets forget about your teacher's marking......suppose you are a real examiner of CIE.....how much you would rate it?

 

[ROCK THE FIRST]

I can't say how much you would score but some tips:

~The story line doesn't hold as much importance as much as grammar, spellings, punctuation and vocabulary does.
~Good use of words like Meanwhile etc. Gives it an unfolding touch.
~You have many spelling mistakes, check them.
~Don't cut so many words out. Gives bad impression.
~I saw a few grammar errors so fix that.
Good luck for the exam!

Suggestions are good but you didn't answer the main part of the question.........that was marking the essay.

 

[Sara Jabeen]

You should really improve your tenses and grammatical errors. And cutting out words would only put doubts in the examiner's mind about your essay. Also, try to think things through because it looks like you're writing this in a hell of a hurry.
I'll mark this 18, probably. Work on your spellings, mate. And remember to have a calm mind! AND, you forgot the outline. That's an important part, I believe.
But Insh'Allah, if you work hard you CAN get an A* Ameen

 

[Vogue]

Please can some mark these and give me marks out of 30?

umm ur story was interesting...u fit the sentence very right....the story revolved around it...but my little advice to u ryt here is that do read after u hv writen ur composition. this is very important cz many times in hurry v do careless mistakes. u had some words repeated twice just cz u seemed in hurry. avoid this much cutting nd even in u want to do then just put a single line across the word..dunt shade it cz it gives a messy luk and doesnt leave a gud impression. ur sentence structure was varied which is gud but try to use a litle bit of more vocab nd it seemed quiet vague that y did Alex followed ur commands so blindly. so u shud hv shown sum kinda relation between the two of u that wud hv told the reader that thats y alex immediately obeyed u. i think u lie in band 2(umm i guess u no abt these bands...they r given in all mark schemes. i guess the range of number for this band is sumwhere between 20 to 25 out of 30; but i m not sure so plz do check it from any recent m.s)

 

[Spidey21]

Please can some mark these and give me marks out of 30?

nice essay you wrote..but honestly a few things to take care about
- structure of your sentence...honestly youll lose all your marks just for that thing
-Spelling and grammer
- reputation using the same word in the same sentence twice..(avoid that)

well it was nice ..but sorry if i was an examiner...i would grade you C ...so try harder and most of all try to be UNIQUE!!
what you wrote thats what probably hundreds other would write..if you write something extravagant thats where you win the race..

 

[Oreos]

Suggestions are good but you didn't answer the main part of the question.........that was marking the essay.

Sorry but I do not wish to misguide anyone. I am a student myself and so just told you what you should ensure in your writing. I always go for argumentative writing, it is way easier.
My guess would agree with the above post ^^ Most probably a C grade.

 

[Vogue]

Sorry but I do not wish to misguide anyone. I am a student myself and so just told you what you should ensure in your writing. I always go for argumentative writing, it is way easier.
My guess would agree with the above post ^^ Most probably a C grade.

u go wid argumentative? i used to do that A LOT but many students around here told me strictly that its the hardest to tackle. v form more a debate lyk tone then a normal pace of persuading others. i was also not sure that do i hv to tell both sides nd conclude at the end about my opinion or do i hv to talk abt my side from the very beginning. wat do u do?

 

[asd]

u go wid argumentative? i used to do that A LOT but many students around here told me strictly that its the hardest to tackle. v form more a debate lyk tone then a normal pace of persuading others. i was also not sure that do i hv to tell both sides nd conclude at the end about my opinion or do i hv to talk abt my side from the very beginning. wat do u do?

write on both sides of the argument. give ure opinion in the end.
My teacher told me NOT to choose an argumentative essay because you have to give convincing examples to support every point, and the examiners are way experienced. So, it's likely that they don't see eye to eye with you.

 

[Oreos]

u go wid argumentative? i used to do that A LOT but many students around here told me strictly that its the hardest to tackle. v form more a debate lyk tone then a normal pace of persuading others. i was also not sure that do i hv to tell both sides nd conclude at the end about my opinion or do i hv to talk abt my side from the very beginning. wat do u do?

Yeah. Well that is because I have practiced a lot lol. What I do is:

The first line must be STRIKING. Use rhetorical questions that provoke the mind. Make them feel what you feel and the reason why you feel it. The first line should tell your opinion. DO NOT DEFEND BOTH SIDES IN THE START. The examiner SHOULD know what YOU think. Then carry on with reasons and facts in the second paragraph. Use facts and support your argument.

Thurd paragraph should use emotive language. Like metaphors and dramatic effects. Don't over do it. Then in the last paragraph use your SECRET WEAPON. Your final reason that will capture the examiner and agree with you.

In the last paragraph mention the other view but counteract it. Turn it around so your opinion seems the only logical thing.

I also go for one word essays.

 

[Idon'tknow]

Can any of you guys read this essay and let me know what you think? Please?

The waves were splashing on the seashore as I lay ensconced in the sand, leaning on one of the rocks. The sun had faded into the horizon. Waist-deep in thoughts, I stared at the sky as it drenched in twilight. Bittersweet memories were racing through my mind, tormenting and torturing me as I fought through those tears. Unable to hold on any longer, I shut my eyes tightly and a tear rolled down my cheek. I delved deeper into the past, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I was looking for an answer. An explicit reason for my loneliness but, I was naive then. Struggling to come to terms with reality, I was hanging by a thread!
As memories flashed through my mind, I could see his hazel eyes staring right into mine. We were about to jump into the icy cold stream and I was scared. Aquaphobia had always held me back from all the fun. ' come on, be spontaneous. It'll be fun. This soldier, right here, will be there beside you. what then are you afraid of?' his eyes gleamed as he tried to persuade me to take a leap. I was hesitant. Weighing my options, I was about to decide when he took me by surprise. Grabbing my hand, he rushed towards the stream. That idiot had left me with no choice. And so we sprinted across the path and dived. Plummeting down into the freezing water, I could feel the wind slap my face and the arenaline rush through my veins. The feeling was indescribable. But suddenly, my limbs went numb and I could hear my heart beat louder and louder, with each breath - I was at a different place altogether!
My thoughts had diverted, taking me back to the frigid morgue and the hundreds of white shrouds. The sight was grotesque but I had to be there. I had to be certain that it was him. I was holding onto every inch of hope, praying for a miracle. But then the caretaker lifted the shroud and one look turned my world upside down - my hero, saviour and companion had slipped his hands out of mine and long gone to a place far, far away. I stood there and observed the martyr as he lay , motionless. I wanted to run away but my feet wouldn't budge. I wanted to scream for the anguish was too hard to endure, but a lump formed in my throat. Losing control, my head started spinning aand the hallucinations began. I could see his face everywhere, hear his voice ringing through my ears. It was revolting - the twists and the whirls. Claustrophobia then crept up on me and I began gasping for air. Soon, my vision obfuscated and then I blacked out completely!
As the harrowing flashback receded, I immediately opened my eyes. Night had befallen and the sky was now dark and starless. The waves were still splashing fiercely and not a soul was to be seen on the shore. I stood up and sauntered towards the water. The flashbacks had left me shaky. Saying good bye to him had been difficult but who would've known that the recollections of it would be more arduous!

I couldn't upload the file. Thanks.

 

[Vogue]

Yeah. Well that is because I have practiced a lot lol. What I do is:

The first line must be STRIKING. Use rhetorical questions that provoke the mind. Make them feel what you feel and the reason why you feel it. The first line should tell your opinion. DO NOT DEFEND BOTH SIDES IN THE START. The examiner SHOULD know what YOU think. Then carry on with reasons and facts in the second paragraph. Use facts and support your argument.

Thurd paragraph should use emotive language. Like metaphors and dramatic effects. Don't over do it. Then in the last paragraph use your SECRET WEAPON. Your final reason that will capture the examiner and agree with you.

In the last paragraph mention the other view but counteract it. Turn it around so your opinion seems the only logical thing.

I also go for one word essays.

do u transform one word essays into stories? nd do u no if v get penalised for doing so or not?

 

[Vogue]

Can any of you guys read this essay and let me know what you think? Please?

The waves were splashing on the seashore as I lay ensconced in the sand, leaning on one of the rocks. The sun had faded into the horizon. Waist-deep in thoughts, I stared at the sky as it drenched in twilight. Bittersweet memories were racing through my mind, tormenting and torturing me as I fought through those tears. Unable to hold on any longer, I shut my eyes tightly and a tear rolled down my cheek. I delved deeper into the past, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I was looking for an answer. An explicit reason for my loneliness but, I was naive then. Struggling to come to terms with reality, I was hanging by a thread!
As memories flashed through my mind, I could see his hazel eyes staring right into mine. We were about to jump into the icy cold stream and I was scared. Aquaphobia had always held me back from all the fun. ' come on, be spontaneous. It'll be fun. This soldier, right here, will be there beside you. what then are you afraid of?' his eyes gleamed as he tried to persuade me to take a leap. I was hesitant. Weighing my options, I was about to decide when he took me by surprise. Grabbing my hand, he rushed towards the stream. That idiot had left me with no choice. And so we sprinted across the path and dived. Plummeting down into the freezing water, I could feel the wind slap my face and the arenaline rush through my veins. The feeling was indescribable. But suddenly, my limbs went numb and I could hear my heart beat louder and louder, with each breath - I was at a different place altogether!
My thoughts had diverted, taking me back to the frigid morgue and the hundreds of white shrouds. The sight was grotesque but I had to be there. I had to be certain that it was him. I was holding onto every inch of hope, praying for a miracle. But then the caretaker lifted the shroud and one look turned my world upside down - my hero, saviour and companion had slipped his hands out of mine and long gone to a place far, far away. I stood there and observed the martyr as he lay , motionless. I wanted to run away but my feet wouldn't budge. I wanted to scream for the anguish was too hard to endure, but a lump formed in my throat. Losing control, my head started spinning aand the hallucinations began. I could see his face everywhere, hear his voice ringing through my ears. It was revolting - the twists and the whirls. Claustrophobia then crept up on me and I began gasping for air. Soon, my vision obfuscated and then I blacked out completely!
As the harrowing flashback receded, I immediately opened my eyes. Night had befallen and the sky was now dark and starless. The waves were still splashing fiercely and not a soul was to be seen on the shore. I stood up and sauntered towards the water. The flashbacks had left me shaky. Saying good bye to him had been difficult but who would've known that the recollections of it would be more arduous!

I couldn't upload the file. Thanks.

i think its awesum....perfect

 

[Idon'tknow]

i think its awesum....perfect

Thankyouu. It means alot.
Do you think I'm capable of getting an A? As in am I up to that standard?

 

[Vogue]

Thankyouu. It means alot.
Do you think I'm capable of getting an A? As in am I up to that standard?

u shud b confident for getting an A*
i hv dis little question if u dunt mind....r u a girl?

 

[Idon'tknow]

do u transform one word essays into stories? nd do u no if v get penalised for doing so or not?

I transform one word essays into stories. With one word essays, you are free to choose the style of writing. The above piece of writing is on the one word topic : Goodbyes.

 

[Idon'tknow]

u shud b confident for getting an A*
i hv dis little question if u dunt mind....r u a girl?

Um, yes. I am. Why?
Oh and I don't know. I would've been confident if I hadn't scored a C in my mock exam. -_-

 

[Vogue]

Um, yes. I am. Why?
Oh and I don't know. I would've been confident if I hadn't scored a C in my mock exam. -_-

u scored a C? umm never mind cz school teachers often grade very strictly just that so v dunt get over confident. i asked cz i was impressed by ur writing nd da way u described the feelings. if u dunt mind me asking, then wat skool do u go to? cz the tchr must hv been a very good one wid respect to the level of writing that u r capable of