• We need your support!

    We are currently struggling to cover the operational costs of Xtremepapers, as a result we might have to shut this website down. Please donate if we have helped you and help make a difference in other students' lives!
    Click here to Donate Now (View Announcement)

DANTE’S INFERNO THE 21st CENTURY SEQUEL (Self-Written) :P

Messages
2,175
Reaction score
4,105
Points
273
I wrote this monologue for English assignment, enjoy :p

The sky was painted a joyous blue, the sun glowed yellow and the green and grey of the city, all looked rather prim and well-tended. The fresh air captivated me and dragged me out of my home where I had been studying all night. And now totally drained and exhausted, I still could not sleep.
I had barely walked a few blocks when I was struck by a most heavenly sight. Paradise Restaurant, in all its glory and beauty lay before me, basking in the warm sun, its windows glittering, the palm trees swaying in the front, the banners and the bill boards speckled with exotic and tantalising burgers, fat and juicy shawarma and crusty, layered pizzas. My wallet felt heavy and I had never truly realized how absolutely ravenous I was.
My feet betrayed me and I was entranced by the smiling waitress, who beckoned me into this realm of peace and merriment. In a daze, I sunk down on a luxurious and comfortable chair. A cheerful waitress came and presented me the menu, I glanced down it and when I looked back she was smiling challengingly. My wallet was feeling punishingly like a burden of hell. I opened my mouth to speak and in a voice that was not-so-my-own I croaked, “a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo” and then added thoughtfully, “and a diet coke too if you don’t mind, I’m on dieting ” the bright smile faltered for a moment and a dark cloud passed over her face but she bent a mechanical bow and left off.
I was left to gaze upon my environment; a jolly man was attacking a party size pizza single-handedly and with great gusto, the ceiling was transparent and I could see the fluffy clouds and the dark silhouettes of the birds, some so high that only a speck of them was all that was visible.
The restaurant was a hive of activity, choking with people and filled with pleasant clinking and clattering sounds of food well-enjoyed and hunger well-sated. However there was a problem, a rather small predicament at first but now it was increasing exponentially and was proving to be a wide scale calamity after some time.
The problem in fact was none other than my sinful stomach that had dragged me here. It was now bubbling with acid, and thrashing around like a bag of angry cats. It clawed at my ribs and bonked my heart quite severely many times so much so that in exasperation my heart decided to take a break and call it a life, however brain was not too happy at it shutting down all of a sudden. So after a lot of pain and a couple of missed beats, I was not feeling exactly very happy.
It had been half an hour since I had given the order. The warty monster by my side had nearly finished pillaging the pizza dish. Vultures hung above the sky but clouds had vanished and the sun bore down mercilessly, the barren blue sky looked rather cruel and vicious. The din of the restaurant was excruciating, the constant clink-clank noises were beating down my ears, punishing my poor aching head. Every newcomer looked dumb and ugly and the leaving counterparts quite selfish and sadistic.
The smiles of waitresses were plastic and their voice mechanical. They appeared to be ignoring me deliberately, wanting me to suffer, wanting me to hate them. I was close to madness. The smiling one that I had first seen, who had enticed me to this hell was approaching me. I realized for the first time truly that how yellow her teeth were and her eyes did not necessarily point in the same general direction. What disappointed me the most was that her hands were empty, I glared at her hands fiercely “Sir. “she called I did not respond immediately as I was busy cursing the wretched hand , “Sir,”She continued unabashed “we have run out of Burgers , and since Pizzas and Shawarmas are no longer available, would you like to try some of our new Daal-Rotti?” in the same cheery voice . It was too much, all this for nothing? I was so enraged that my tongue was paralyzed, and bad for her too for she failed to get to listen to my favourite expletives, what she got instead was a wilting look of such high intensity that sapped the life out of her sallow face.
I was too weak to scream or shout or break some tables and bones, so I just got up and left. I wish the people had stopped eating to look at me or even mock me but their undeterred activity was even more humiliating. My stomach wept silent tears of fury and cried. It cried and wept as a lover crier and weeps for its lost beloved or at least as a famished stomach cries and weeps for a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo. Later at the nearby tandoor, swallowing down cheap the daal-roti, I thought rather philosophically about the cruel vicissitudes of life.
 
Last edited:
Messages
1,341
Reaction score
5,963
Points
523
I wrote this monologue for English assignment, enjoy :p

The sky was painted a joyous blue, the sun glowed yellow and the green and grey of the city, all looked rather prime and well-tended. The fresh air captivated me and dragged me out of my home where I had been studying all night. And now totally drained and exhausted, I still could not sleep.
I had barely walked a few blocks when I was struck by a most heavenly sight. paradise restaurant, in all its glory and beauty lay before me, basking in the warm sun, its windows glittering, the palm trees swaying in the front, the banners and the bill boards speckled with exotic and tantalising burgers, fat and juicy shawarma and crusty, layered pizzas. My wallet felt heavy and I had never truly realized how absolutely ravenous I was.
My feet betrayed me and I was entranced by the smiling waitress, who beckoned me into this realm of peace and merriment. In a daze, I sunk down on a luxurious and comfortable chair. A cheerful waitress came and presented me the menu, I glanced down it and when I looked back she was smiling challengingly. My wallet was feeling punishingly like a burden of hell. I opened my mouth to speak and in a voice that was not-so-my-own I croaked, “a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo” and then added thoughtfully, “and a diet coke too if you don’t mind, I’m on dieting ” the bright smile faltered for a moment and a dark cloud passed over her face but she bent a mechanical bow and left off.
I was left to gaze upon my environment; a jolly man was attacking a party size pizza single-handedly and with great gusto, the ceiling was transparent and I could see the fluffy clouds and the dark silhouettes of the birds, some so high that only a speck of them was all that was visible.
The restaurant was a hive of activity, choking with people and filled with pleasant clinking and clattering sounds of food well-enjoyed and hunger well-sated. However there was a problem, a rather small predicament at first but now it was increasing exponentially and was proving to be a wide scale calamity after some time.
The problem in fact was none other than my sinful stomach that had dragged me here. It was now bubbling with acid, and thrashing around like a bag of angry cats. It clawed at my ribs and bonked my heart quite severely many times so much so that in exasperation my heart decided to take a break and call it a life, however brain was not too happy at it shutting down all of a sudden. So after a lot of pain and a couple of missed beats, I was not feeling exactly very happy.
It had been half an hour since I had given the order. The warty monster by my side had nearly finished pillaging the pizza dish. Vultures hung above the sky but clouds had vanished and the sun bore down mercilessly, the barren blue sky looked rather cruel and vicious. The din of the restaurant was excruciating, the constant clink-clank noises were beating down my ears, punishing my poor aching head. Every newcomer looked dumb and ugly and the leaving counterparts quite selfish and sadistic.
The smiles of waitresses were plastic and their voice mechanical. They appeared to be ignoring me deliberately, wanting me to suffer, wanting me to hate them. I was close to madness. The smiling one that I had first seen, who had enticed me to this hell was approaching me. I realized for the first time truly that how yellow her teeth were and her eyes did not necessarily point in the same general direction. What disappointed me the most was that her hands were empty, I glared at her hands fiercely “Sir. “she called I did not respond immediately as I was busy cursing the wretched hand , “Sir,”She continued unabashed “we have run out of Burgers , and since Pizzas and Shawarmas are no longer available, would u like to try some of our new Daal-Rotti?” in the same cheery voice . It was too much, all this for nothing? I was so enraged that my tongue was paralyzed, and bad for her too for she failed to get to listen to my favourite expletives, what she got instead was a wilting look of such high intensity that sapped the life out of her sallow face.
I was too weak to scream or shout or break some tables and bones, so I just got up and left. I wish the people had stopped eating to look at me or even mock me but their undeterred activity was even more humiliating. My stomach wept silent tears of fury and cried. It cried and wept as a lover crier and weeps for its lost beloved or at least as a famished stomach crier and weeps for a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo. Later at the nearby tandoor, swallowing down cheap the daal-roti, I thought rather philosophically about the cruel vicissitudes of life.

were u marked on this?
 
Messages
457
Reaction score
684
Points
103
Very well written. Good connection with the Inferno's theme and love the gradual transition from heaven to hell. Excellent vocabulary, grammar and sentence structure. But you can incorporate more short sentences to make it a tad bit more realistic and make it easier for it to sink in the readers mind. Other then that, a job well done.
 
Messages
1,258
Reaction score
1,397
Points
173
Very well written. Good connection with the Inferno's theme and love the gradual transition from heaven to hell. Excellent vocabulary, grammar and sentence structure. But you can incorporate more short sentences to make it a tad bit more realistic and make it easier for it to sink in the readers mind. Other then that, a job well done.

I thought inferno was about hell to heaven :p
 
Messages
457
Reaction score
684
Points
103
I thought inferno was about hell to heaven :p


I was talking about the transition in your writing. I haven't read Inferno so I can't say for sure but from what little I've read about it, it's basically a journey to hell.
 
Messages
4,493
Reaction score
15,418
Points
523
I wrote this monologue for English assignment, enjoy :p

The sky was painted a joyous blue, the sun glowed yellow and the green and grey of the city, all looked rather prime and well-tended. The fresh air captivated me and dragged me out of my home where I had been studying all night. And now totally drained and exhausted, I still could not sleep.
I had barely walked a few blocks when I was struck by a most heavenly sight. Paradise Restaurant, in all its glory and beauty lay before me, basking in the warm sun, its windows glittering, the palm trees swaying in the front, the banners and the bill boards speckled with exotic and tantalising burgers, fat and juicy shawarma and crusty, layered pizzas. My wallet felt heavy and I had never truly realized how absolutely ravenous I was.
My feet betrayed me and I was entranced by the smiling waitress, who beckoned me into this realm of peace and merriment. In a daze, I sunk down on a luxurious and comfortable chair. A cheerful waitress came and presented me the menu, I glanced down it and when I looked back she was smiling challengingly. My wallet was feeling punishingly like a burden of hell. I opened my mouth to speak and in a voice that was not-so-my-own I croaked, “a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo” and then added thoughtfully, “and a diet coke too if you don’t mind, I’m on dieting ” the bright smile faltered for a moment and a dark cloud passed over her face but she bent a mechanical bow and left off.
I was left to gaze upon my environment; a jolly man was attacking a party size pizza single-handedly and with great gusto, the ceiling was transparent and I could see the fluffy clouds and the dark silhouettes of the birds, some so high that only a speck of them was all that was visible.
The restaurant was a hive of activity, choking with people and filled with pleasant clinking and clattering sounds of food well-enjoyed and hunger well-sated. However there was a problem, a rather small predicament at first but now it was increasing exponentially and was proving to be a wide scale calamity after some time.
The problem in fact was none other than my sinful stomach that had dragged me here. It was now bubbling with acid, and thrashing around like a bag of angry cats. It clawed at my ribs and bonked my heart quite severely many times so much so that in exasperation my heart decided to take a break and call it a life, however brain was not too happy at it shutting down all of a sudden. So after a lot of pain and a couple of missed beats, I was not feeling exactly very happy.
It had been half an hour since I had given the order. The warty monster by my side had nearly finished pillaging the pizza dish. Vultures hung above the sky but clouds had vanished and the sun bore down mercilessly, the barren blue sky looked rather cruel and vicious. The din of the restaurant was excruciating, the constant clink-clank noises were beating down my ears, punishing my poor aching head. Every newcomer looked dumb and ugly and the leaving counterparts quite selfish and sadistic.
The smiles of waitresses were plastic and their voice mechanical. They appeared to be ignoring me deliberately, wanting me to suffer, wanting me to hate them. I was close to madness. The smiling one that I had first seen, who had enticed me to this hell was approaching me. I realized for the first time truly that how yellow her teeth were and her eyes did not necessarily point in the same general direction. What disappointed me the most was that her hands were empty, I glared at her hands fiercely “Sir. “she called I did not respond immediately as I was busy cursing the wretched hand , “Sir,”She continued unabashed “we have run out of Burgers , and since Pizzas and Shawarmas are no longer available, would u like to try some of our new Daal-Rotti?” in the same cheery voice . It was too much, all this for nothing? I was so enraged that my tongue was paralyzed, and bad for her too for she failed to get to listen to my favourite expletives, what she got instead was a wilting look of such high intensity that sapped the life out of her sallow face.
I was too weak to scream or shout or break some tables and bones, so I just got up and left. I wish the people had stopped eating to look at me or even mock me but their undeterred activity was even more humiliating. My stomach wept silent tears of fury and cried. It cried and wept as a lover crier and weeps for its lost beloved or at least as a famished stomach crier and weeps for a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo. Later at the nearby tandoor, swallowing down cheap the daal-roti, I thought rather philosophically about the cruel vicissitudes of life.
you write good but if u want me to criticize it tell me :p
 
Messages
5,753
Reaction score
26,986
Points
698
I wrote this monologue for English assignment, enjoy :p

The sky was painted a joyous blue, the sun glowed yellow and the green and grey of the city, all looked rather prim and well-tended. The fresh air captivated me and dragged me out of my home where I had been studying all night. And now totally drained and exhausted, I still could not sleep.
I had barely walked a few blocks when I was struck by a most heavenly sight. Paradise Restaurant, in all its glory and beauty lay before me, basking in the warm sun, its windows glittering, the palm trees swaying in the front, the banners and the bill boards speckled with exotic and tantalising burgers, fat and juicy shawarma and crusty, layered pizzas. My wallet felt heavy and I had never truly realized how absolutely ravenous I was.
My feet betrayed me and I was entranced by the smiling waitress, who beckoned me into this realm of peace and merriment. In a daze, I sunk down on a luxurious and comfortable chair. A cheerful waitress came and presented me the menu, I glanced down it and when I looked back she was smiling challengingly. My wallet was feeling punishingly like a burden of hell. I opened my mouth to speak and in a voice that was not-so-my-own I croaked, “a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo” and then added thoughtfully, “and a diet coke too if you don’t mind, I’m on dieting ” the bright smile faltered for a moment and a dark cloud passed over her face but she bent a mechanical bow and left off.
I was left to gaze upon my environment; a jolly man was attacking a party size pizza single-handedly and with great gusto, the ceiling was transparent and I could see the fluffy clouds and the dark silhouettes of the birds, some so high that only a speck of them was all that was visible.
The restaurant was a hive of activity, choking with people and filled with pleasant clinking and clattering sounds of food well-enjoyed and hunger well-sated. However there was a problem, a rather small predicament at first but now it was increasing exponentially and was proving to be a wide scale calamity after some time.
The problem in fact was none other than my sinful stomach that had dragged me here. It was now bubbling with acid, and thrashing around like a bag of angry cats. It clawed at my ribs and bonked my heart quite severely many times so much so that in exasperation my heart decided to take a break and call it a life, however brain was not too happy at it shutting down all of a sudden. So after a lot of pain and a couple of missed beats, I was not feeling exactly very happy.
It had been half an hour since I had given the order. The warty monster by my side had nearly finished pillaging the pizza dish. Vultures hung above the sky but clouds had vanished and the sun bore down mercilessly, the barren blue sky looked rather cruel and vicious. The din of the restaurant was excruciating, the constant clink-clank noises were beating down my ears, punishing my poor aching head. Every newcomer looked dumb and ugly and the leaving counterparts quite selfish and sadistic.
The smiles of waitresses were plastic and their voice mechanical. They appeared to be ignoring me deliberately, wanting me to suffer, wanting me to hate them. I was close to madness. The smiling one that I had first seen, who had enticed me to this hell was approaching me. I realized for the first time truly that how yellow her teeth were and her eyes did not necessarily point in the same general direction. What disappointed me the most was that her hands were empty, I glared at her hands fiercely “Sir. “she called I did not respond immediately as I was busy cursing the wretched hand , “Sir,”She continued unabashed “we have run out of Burgers , and since Pizzas and Shawarmas are no longer available, would you like to try some of our new Daal-Rotti?” in the same cheery voice . It was too much, all this for nothing? I was so enraged that my tongue was paralyzed, and bad for her too for she failed to get to listen to my favourite expletives, what she got instead was a wilting look of such high intensity that sapped the life out of her sallow face.
I was too weak to scream or shout or break some tables and bones, so I just got up and left. I wish the people had stopped eating to look at me or even mock me but their undeterred activity was even more humiliating. My stomach wept silent tears of fury and cried. It cried and wept as a lover crier and weeps for its lost beloved or at least as a famished stomach cries and weeps for a Mighty-Titanic-Zinger with Triple-Cheese and Xtra- Mayo. Later at the nearby tandoor, swallowing down cheap the daal-roti, I thought rather philosophically about the cruel vicissitudes of life.
What marks did you get for this? :)
 
Messages
4,493
Reaction score
15,418
Points
523
ok u do write good but theres no flow... u rdepicting someones emotions... u must get the reader to feel it. i daresay not having a burger isnt exactly the end of the world for me lol
u need some lubrication btw the lines... some cement... im not sure wat im gettign at...
u have a good vocabulary nice descriptive style... but sumthing is not binding all this together...
 
Messages
1,258
Reaction score
1,397
Points
173
ok u do write good but theres no flow... u rdepicting someones emotions... u must get the reader to feel it. i daresay not having a burger isnt exactly the end of the world for me lol
u need some lubrication btw the lines... some cement... im not sure wat im gettign at...
u have a good vocabulary nice descriptive style... but sumthing is not binding all this together...

Maybe you feel that way because it is written in first person. :p
 
Messages
2,175
Reaction score
4,105
Points
273
ok u do write good but theres no flow... u rdepicting someones emotions... u must get the reader to feel it. i daresay not having a burger isnt exactly the end of the world for me lol
its deliberate exageration :p I thought it was obvious :D
u need some lubrication btw the lines... some cement... im not sure wat im gettign at...
u have a good vocabulary nice descriptive style... but sumthing is not binding all this together...
NEVER become a civil engineer, it will be the end of the world as we know it :p
Come on think and tell me what the problem is
 
Top