~~jokes?? in here?? really??

Evolution

Evolution

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applepie1996

applepie1996

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
 
applepie1996

applepie1996

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A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitc... is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitc... is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in maths?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitc... is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
 
applepie1996

applepie1996

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There were 3 immigrants who came to America and they couldn't speak english very well.

One immigrant could only say "She took my lollipop!"

Another could only say " forks and knives, forks and knives."

And the last could say, "ME!!"

So one day the three were walking down a road when a shooting occurred. One woman was dead and the criminals got away.

The police came to investigate. They asked the immigrants if they had seen anything.

cop-"do you guys have any idea who might have done this?"

1st immigrant-"ME!!"

cop-Well, you know you are going to get in big trouble for this. you are coming with me.

cop- How did he kill the woman?

2nd immigrant- "forks and knives, forks and knives"

cop- Why did you kill her

3rd immigrant- "She stole my lollipop!"
 
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