~~jokes?? in here?? really??

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[gary221]

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. ​

He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.' ​

I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?' ​

He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.' ​

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' ​

He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.' ​

I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?' ​

He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.' ​

​

 

[gary221]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all entered a 26 mile long swimming race.
After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.
Then after 16 miles the Irish man gets tired and drops out.
After 25 miles the English man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.​

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Last week Ronnie Walsh went to the movies at the Rialto Cinema in Bristol to see "Slumdog Millionaire" but because of two women loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of him, Ronnie was unable to hear the dialogue clearly.​

Ronnie leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, 'Excuse me ladies but I can't hear.'
'I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.' ​

 

[gary221]

Which is the most beautiful feeling in the world???
When u try 2 luk at ur friend n u find tht ur frnd is already looking at u..........
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Location : EXAM HALL!!!


Sir : Wht is d chemical formula for water??
Jack : HIJKLMNO
Sir : Wht r u talkng about?
Jack : Well, u were the 1 who said its H to O....!!....

Salman : Tum American ho??
Hasan : Nahi main Nepal ka hoon...
Salman : Nahi tum American ho??
Hasan (ghusse me) : Haan, ma American hoon..
Salman :Lagte to Nepali ho....!!
XD

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[Silent Hunter]

 

[Lyfroker]

lolz

 

[GetSomeLife]

BEAUTY! xD

 

[Iridescent]

A person enters HELL and sees clocks kept there. "What are these clocks for?" he asks. The servant replies" These show the sins committed by each person and they move whenever sm1 commits a sin."
He then asks "Where is Zardari's clock?" The reply comes "We use it as a fan in our office!"

 

[Iridescent]

If Zardari, Gillani and Nawaz Sharif are in a boat and the boat sinks, Who will be saved?













Answer: PAKISTAN.

 

[SalmanPakRocks]

 

[SalmanPakRocks]

 

[SalmanPakRocks]

 

[SalmanPakRocks]

 

[Silent Hunter]

 

[Silent Hunter]

 

[gary221]

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought
only one ticket between them.
‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e
engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly
after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet
door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their
astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel
without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers
into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’....!!!



Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What’s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning....!!!



Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women
who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts....!!!...

 

[gary221]

Aunty : Arey beta tum to kitne bade ho gaye ho... Mujhe to yakin hi nahi hota.​

.​

.​

.​

Boy says angrily : Kya karta aunty, koi aur choice hi nahi thi..!!​

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Ek aadmi apne dost se : Arey tera bhai aaj kal kya karta hai??​

Dost : Kuch nahi, usne ek dukaan kholi thi, par ab wo jail me hai...​

Aadmi : Wo kyun??​

Dost : Kyun k usne dukaan raat me kholi thi..... wo bhi hathode se, isliye...!!!... ​

​

​

My sister, Paula, and her husband, Chris, had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children's room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically. ​

He had accidentally swallowed a 5p piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, Chris palmed a 5p coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy's ear. Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully - 'Do it again, Dad!'...!! ! ​

 

[badrobot14]

^ the 1st one is oldie but goldie..
(i meant the engineers one...)