Short Story Competition

[usama321]

ok your writing is vry very organised... im a bit of a critic so my saying that your writing is organized means sumthing though your topic... it is not out of rules this is a very casual thread... but maybe its me..... couldnt keep my attention for more than haalf the story. all in all you have great potential... but your stories need to be more interesting

i have the bad habbit of dragging everything. I could have tried to put some more effort into that bones part I'll try better in the second part

 

[Suchal Riaz]

Well putting everything into the fantasy genre is my bad habit....pls tell me you people don't mind it :O


The fire crackled outside the encampment, and its fiery arms whipped the air mercilessly. Edios gazed into the inferno, gazed at the dry branches as they cracked and split in the scorching embraces of the fire. Just like her bones, he thought silently, lost in the same bottomless void of thoughts that had agonized him since her death.

The sun had hidden itself behind the mountains, and the shadows had lengthened, eventually blending with the darkness of the night. Their hunt had proved fruitless,and most probably, someone else had already claimed the bounty on the beast's head.

"We need to get going. I don't want to become a cooked steak, do i," said Andal with a nervous laugh, trying to break the ice with his lame jokes. His small frame stopped heaving abruptly though, under the furious stare of his elder brother, Alfor.


"I am not going back, not this time," Edios heard himself saying abruptly. He heard the sharp intake of breath of Melkor, and the temperature around the camp seemed to fall. A cold wind blew from the north, and chilled their very bones.

"You can't go there alone Edios, you just can't. It's suicide," he heard Melkor saying, and could not believe that for the first time, even his best friend was opposing him. Alfor had always opposed his suggestions, but he could not believe he was being opposed by the one who had always stood by him. He, who knew what had happened to her, how she had died, writhing in agony, claimed by the very thing she had worshiped.

"You can go back, all three of you. I don't care, nor do I blame you of cowardice. But don't stop me." They could sense the contempt in his voice, and the poison coated words pierced their hearts. His words seemed to have hit the mark.

"I'll accompany you then. Let the gods bear witness i did not turn my back on you," said Melkor somberly, as he took out his sword from its humble worn down scabbard, and started whetting it. A shadow seemed to move across the camp as he uttered these words, and a strange dread filled Edios' heart. I should not have dragged him into this. Andal uttered a fearful squeak at Melkor's words, which was again greeted with a scornful gaze by his brother.

The weather seemed to change suddenly. A strong wind started blowing from the north, and brought with it the promise of a storm. Clouds thundered in the distance, announcing their forthcoming arrogantly. The wind brought with the faint smell of wet soil. The night slowly darkened, as the clouds veiled the moon.


P.S i am really sorry, but i just could not follow the topic completely . Some people might notice that i have borrowed a couple of names from a famous novel :O. If you like it, do tell me and i'll try my best and continue it

i like ur style man. why dont u complete it within 2-3 thousand words. i can extend it to full size novel but i know it will take time. short stories suck coz they are too short to express what u really mean to say and show what u really can.

 

[Suchal Riaz]

usama321 i first time saw a MATURE writing by anyone among my age group. u can do wonders man.

 

[Muhammad TAimoor]

The room lit with the moon light as she swayed the curtain to the side, facing the full moon that shone in the midst of grey clouds. The night felt magical, a strange quiet whistling filled the atmosphere where each star portrayed the north star, shining with its utmost potential. Her weak existence could do nothing but feel, her glittering eyes could only watch what was to befall. She felt helpless, but atleast she felt the life around her, the endless grasslands, a faint glimmer of sea far away and the cold breeze that gently touched her hand. She hoped someone might rescue her, save her life. But she knew nobody would. It wasn't a fairy tale, or was it? A faint glimmer in the sky caught her attention. Her hope grew stronger. The silver object turned its path towards the window, behind which stood a girl hoping for another chance. She could feel it coming, an angel, a saviour. She closed her eyes, inhaled the magical atmosphere, and shouted like never, "This IS a fairy tale!". With wings stretched wide like a pegasus, the plane crashed right into the house. Sure it wasn't a fairy tale.

 

[Rutzaba]

The room lit with the moon light as she swayed the curtain to the side, facing the full moon that shone in the midst of grey clouds. The night felt magical, a strange quiet whistling filled the atmosphere where each star portrayed the north star, shining with its utmost potential. Her weak existence could do nothing but feel, her glittering eyes could only watch what was to befall. She felt helpless, but atleast she felt the life around her, the endless grasslands, a faint glimmer of sea far away and the cold breeze that gently touched her hand. She hoped someone might rescue her, save her life. But she knew nobody would. It wasn't a fairy tale, or was it? A faint glimmer in the sky caught her attention. Her hope grew stronger. The silver object turned its path towards the window, behind which stood a girl hoping for another chance. She could feel it coming, an angel, a saviour. She closed her eyes, inhaled the magical atmosphere, and shouted like never, "This IS a fairy tale!". With wings stretched wide like a pegasus, the plane crashed right into the house. Sure it wasn't a fairy tale.

ouch! the crash of realisation

 

[Muhammad TAimoor]

More like Lack Of Realisation

 

[Martee100]

Okay heres a very touching story:

"So once upon a time there was this guy who saw this cute little cat. It was the most beautiful cat he had ever seen. With great excitement and a big smile on his face he approached this cat . He touched her again and again and again and again. He then went away and they both lived happily ever after!


^ What a touching story!

 

[Rutzaba]

so whos up for putting some brains into this thread???

 

[Rutzaba]

ok... this time we are going to have inspirations rather than ideas... write a short story or a part of that story in Sherlock holmes style... how abt tat? Muhammad TAimoor

 

[Muhammad TAimoor]

Good Idea but I can't assure you anything
Farigh bhi ho sakti hai

 

[Rutzaba]

aur kis lie aye hain yahan pe humlog ? kher hai idea discuss kr lena pehle

 

[flaminheroes]

May i share mine? D: its a bit long. just a bit.

 

[Rutzaba]

ok

 

[flaminheroes]

Darkness was everywhere, it was blocking out the light, it was spreading like fire. This darkness was no ordinary darkness, it was evil in pure form. It spread towards me,i had no where else to go .Trapped i had no choice but to see it spread around me. Blocking everything,choking me,choking me with pure evil, pure satanic evil.
I flung myself out of bed only to get trapped in my bed sheets. "UGH" i cried out as i freed myself from the bedsheets."it was just a dream Saad, just a dream" i told myself as i calmed down and wiped the sweat off my forehead. I decided to get a glass of water. Never had i been through such a nightmare, it was so clear it seemed like it had actually happened.
I turned on the light and put on a shirt. i was about to leave the room when i noticed a melon on my study table. "Wait what?" i asked myself in my haead. "Shut up Saad, you put the melon there Last night to eat it but you forgot" A voice in my head answered back instantly. "Oh yea haha" i lol'd. I sat down on the study table, took out the knife i kept in my drawer,that i kept there incase i was in danger, and sliced the melon. Warm Sweet juices filled my mouth. "God! This melon is really sweet, too bad it's warm" i muttered to myself. Suddenly something brushed against my leg. I grabbed the knife and,reflexively, did a ninja manouever that i never thought i could ever do. i landed on my bed to find my cat staring at me. "Meow" it cried out with such innocent eyes. "Damn You Eli, damn you." i muttered to myself as i patted her on her head. i walked over to my chair and sat down again to finish my melon.
My sixth sense warned me of impending danger even though I ignored it, thinking it was just the dream messing with me. "Wait where's my knife?" i thought.Suddenly, something cold sliced my neck and i found my head fall down. Before my brain died, i saw my cat standing on two feet, holding my Knife with a grin so big it didnt fit her face.

 

[Rutzaba]

haha its good ut the cat part got a bit lame... the rest is really nice

 

[flaminheroes]

the cat part ?D:thats like the best part, if you were a cat person you wpuldnt be alone with your cat because youll think its evil x)

 

[Rutzaba]

the cat part ?D:thats like the best part, if you were a cat person you wpuldnt be alone with your cat because youll think its evil x)

i am a cat person

 

[Rutzaba]

i mean the standing on two legs part

 

[flaminheroes]

omg cat people are everywhere ._.

 

[Muhammad TAimoor]

"I guess he's the one agency is looking for." he said as they both moved into the hotel's lobby. "How do you know?" assistant replied. "You don't really see it, do you?". "See what..?" he answered. "Okay then listen. The shoes, they are muddy. It hasn't rained in Manchester today, which means the man has traveled from somewhere. Possibilities include Cardiff, Leicester and Watford where it rained in the past 8 hours. He can't be from Watford because the mud isn't thick there due to being more of an industrial area. The mud belongs to an agricultural field, which in this case would be Leicester. According to the agency, our man has traveled from Leicester, so one thing is proved." detective explained. "Coming towards his pants, black and thick cloth, probably Asian, made for cold weather. That means either he lives in colder areas, or higher altitudes. But wait, if he were from higher altitudes, his skin would've been glowing and red, but on the contrary, its pale and white. So, he's from colder ground areas, most probably Ireland." "And how can you say he is Irish?!" inquired the amazed assistant. "His lips, eyebrows and hair color. Give 'em a thought. The lining of eyebrows, it's thick, due to the steamed water baths, his lips more then red, due to the never changing atmosphere. His hairs, lighter colored and brown. Water baths, harsh weather and light hairs. You won't find them anywhere except in Ireland, specially in one of it's cities, Reykjavic. He's holding the stick in his left hand, has seated himself on the left side of Sofa and has his right leg rested over his left, showing he's left handed. His eyes are continuously wandering, maybe he's a keen observer, probably an army training. Sniper maybe, in his days. His hands, his hands, they are rough, due to heavy pulling, weight lifting. The watch, it's Swiss, an interesting choice! More like a gift, a wedding present, being of the same color and tag as his ring. That means what Clark?". "I don't know, maybe too rich?" Clark replied observing. " Nah, rich Friends! Okay it's done, call the agency and ask them if our man is Irish, retired army sniper, left-handed, weight lifter and in rich company? Meantime, I'll go catch our target!" he ordered as he moved forward. As he reached him, the man lifted his head upwards, sniffed in the air and said, "Is someone there? Oh thank God, can you just help me to my room? I can't see."