~~jokes?? in here?? really??

[CaptainDanger]

These are not JOKEs but I wanted to share them so posting... :


An inspiring fact to bear in mind.


Mathematics may not teach us to breathe oxygen & to exhale carbon dioxide or to love a friend & to forget an enemy.But there is one thing, I personally love about maths.

.

.

.

.

It gives us hope that every problem has a solution.


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"Next Life"

by Woody Allen

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink, and are generally flirt, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila. You finish off........

 

[ks136]

Gud 1 Captaindanger

 

[CaptainDanger]

Thanks... : )

 

[skinnyboyfat]

^^ LOVE the next life one. . . .
nd awesome jokes, KEEP IT UP captaindanger!! :Bravo:

 

[Lyfroker]

lol nys

 

[MysteRyGiRl]

TIP
How to save 25paisa per year??










iss main b interested ho
Qasam sy!!!kon ho tmlog yar....


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Girls are over-imaginative
A boy sends a text

Boy: Hey

Girl (to herself): OMG.. he just texted me.. I wonder what he wants. maybe he just wants to talk..or maybe he's mad at me, but all he said was hey.. I should just answer him, dont want to keep him waiting.. well maybe I'll wait another 3 minutes so he thinks I m busy. No, thats too obvious. Could this mean he's into me? Or is he just bored? Either way is fine, I mean I don't care if he likes me back. Who said that I even liked him?
huh.. I'm gonna text back now. Should I reply hi or hey. Hey with 3 y's? No thats stupid. 2 y's work. He wont know if I did it on purpose or if it was accidental. Ok! I got this.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Girl: Heyy!



Boy: Please mark my attandence at university


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Science says and i agree,

My "CELL" is the fundamental unit of my life!
:-D

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1 din 1 larky ki grlfrnd ka birthday tha & boy was not in that city
so he ordered 24 red roses 4 her girlfrnd

&

called her up

dear meny tumhary liye utny roses bhejy hyn

Jitny saal ki tum h0 gyi ho...



While delivering

florist thought

yeh aj ka mera sbse acha customer hy...

Chalo me isy 10 roses free mn dy deta hun...

So he gave 34 instead of 24...

.

.

.

Aur aj tk larka samjh nhi paya k uska break up hua q ...???


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A girl sent a msg to her boy friend
" i < 3 u "

He replied : Pagal ho gayi ho kiya ?
complex number system main inequality define kahan hoti hai .

bechari pagal nahi thi

Larka ENGINEER tha

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LOV STORY:
1nce der ws a guy n a girl in a gud reltionshi p since 5yrs

N

luvd each othr

Guy was sincere n gal ws cute

Both were happy.

1 day girl came 2 meet d guy n showd him her PINK LENSES.

He saw dem&was surprised.

Days Passed n 1 day suddenly guy met wid an accident.. .

Gal came 2 hospital n waited 4

37hours..

Den doctor came out n told her,

''Ur boy friend has Alcohol in his heart.."

Girl was shockd&was not able 2 think of d reason...

Reason was-

'PINK LENSES'

U know,

"Gulabi Akhein Jo Teri Dekhi

'Sharaabi Ye Dil Ho Gaya"

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hahahaha gr8 ones :good:

 

[MysteRyGiRl]

and the nxt life one is soo amazing seriously

 

[CaptainDanger]

^ True...

 

[skinnyboyfat]

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:
Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Girls:
Always busy when needed.

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AFTER ENGAGEMENT:

SHE: I waited so long for this.

HE: Do U want me to leave?

SHE: No. never!

HE: Do U love me?

SHE: Yes I did, I'm doing & I'll do.

HE: Did you ever cheat me?

SHE: I would rather die than to do it.

HE: Will you kiss me?

SHE: Surely, it's my pleasure.

HE: Will you hurt me?

SHE: No way, I'm not such a kind of person.

HE: Can I trust you?

SHE: Yes.

HE: Oh, Darling!

To know AFTER WEDDING:

>>Read from bottom to top<<

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.

On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.

A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.

The Old man advised "DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK otherwise YOU’ll face problem"

The Man finished the book with great fear but didn't open the last page.

.
.
.

But, after a week,
Out of curiosity he opened the last page and..

He almost fainted to see..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Retail Price: Rs 30/-
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Silent Hunter]

^^^^^^^^^^^hahaha................ last one was great^^^^^

 

[badrobot14]

READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.

On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.

A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.

The Old man advised "DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK otherwise YOU’ll face problem"

The Man finished the book with great fear but didn't open the last page.

.
.
.

But, after a week,
Out of curiosity he opened the last page and..

He almost fainted to see..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Retail Price: Rs 30/-
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Some joke dude!!! HAHAHA

 

[skinnyboyfat]

^^ thankz!!

 

[CaptainDanger]

Do you know that GRAVITY
is stronger at Morning?
?
?
?
Its proven in the fact
Its so hard to get up
from the bed.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


1 pagal doosray pagal se udasi k sath
Sb log hamen pagal q khte hain?
Doosra pagal Tu dafa kar yar.
Yeh le Tamatar.
Or
LaSsi Bana


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CHEMISTRY at Its Peak .. =D
Teacher : What happens when CarbOn MOnOxide reacts with 2 MOlecules Of IrOn ??
Student : COFFEE !!
Teacher : HOw ?? :O
:
:
:
:
:
:
Student : CO + 2Fe = COFFEE !!
Teacher Shocks Student Rocks : <3


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


NICE STORY:
1 Zaeef Kisan Ne Apny BeGunah Betay Ko Jail Mai Khat Likha:
"Piyare Betay
Mai Is Saal Aalo Ki Fasal Nahi Bo Skta, Mujse Khait Ki Khudai Nhi Ho Rahi, Kash Tm Meri Madad Kr Sakty."
Betay Ne Jawab Diya:
"BABA
Khait Mat Khodna,
Q K Wahan Me ne Aslaha Chupaya hy
Agly Din Police Ne
Sary Khait Ki Khudai Kr Di
Lekin Unhen Waha Kuch Na Mila
Betay Ne Phr Khat Likha
BABA
Ab Ap Aalo Ki Fasal Bo Skaty Han, Me Yahan Se Ap K Liye Itna Hi Kr Sakta Tha.


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Agar apny kamry k har dakhli rasty par 1,1 pyali apny blood ki rakh den to Dengi machar pyali sy khoon choos kr waps chala jaye ga.
.
Zubaida aapa baaz nai aai.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[skinnyboyfat]

the 2 pagal's one made me laugh sooooo HARD!!!!!

 

[CaptainDanger]

Same here...

 

[beacon_of_light]

An economist explains his reson for having two wifes.!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
First "monopoly shld be broken "
.
.
.
And ... Second
.
.
.
"competition improve services"

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Engineering student's method of answering the questions in the exams

Q : Explain Wein bridge oscillator. (8 Marks)

Answer :
...
1. Wein bridge is an oscillator.

2. Wein bridge is bridge kind of oscillator.

3. This oscillator consist of a bridge.

4. Wein is the name of scientist who invented this oscillator.

5. There are many kinds of oscillators.

6. Example : Wein bridge oscillator

7.It is known as oscillator because it oscillates.

8. Thus, this is how W.B oscillator works . :

-----------------------------------------------------------------

College ke peeche talab mai principal dubh raha tha..
Santa ne dekha aur zor zor se chilate hue bhaaga.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kal chutti hai..yaayy
Kal chutti hai..yaayy
Kal chutti hai..yaayy

---------------------------------------------------
Santa and banta jungle mein, saamne aayaa sher…
Banta ne sher ki aakhon main mitti phenki, aur bhaagne lagaa aur santa ko bhi bhaagne ko kahaa.

Santa : Main kyun bhaagu, mitti to tune phenki hai na

 

[skinnyboyfat]

^^
nice answer!!!!!

 

[badrobot14]

Engineering student's method of answering the questions in the exams

Q : Explain Wein bridge oscillator. (8 Marks)

Answer :
...
1. Wein bridge is an oscillator.

2. Wein bridge is bridge kind of oscillator.

3. This oscillator consist of a bridge.

4. Wein is the name of scientist who invented this oscillator.

5. There are many kinds of oscillators.

6. Example : Wein bridge oscillator

7.It is known as oscillator because it oscillates.

8. Thus, this is how W.B oscillator works . :

I seriously hate wein brdge oscillators.. we were made to study this by a teacher whose teaching skills were below par to say the least.. I h8 'ratta' teachers..
This is a funny joke, I wish I could laugh at it.. I better get going, have a lab report to make..

 

[skinnyboyfat]

^^ good luck with ur report!
btw i 2 hate those kind of teachers

 

[soumayya]

Letter of Recommendation -

While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be
sent away as soon as possible.

Branch Manager

A second note following the report:

Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to you
today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,.......
for my true assessment of him.

Regards,

Branch Manager