• We need your support!

    We are currently struggling to cover the operational costs of Xtremepapers, as a result we might have to shut this website down. Please donate if we have helped you and help make a difference in other students' lives!
    Click here to Donate Now (View Announcement)

ATTENTION PLEASE -- All Muslim Brothers and Sisters

user

user

Messages
506
Reaction score
739
Points
103
badrobot14 said:
Etiquette of talking to women

Praise be to Allaah.

Speaking to non-mahram women may occur because of a need or it may occur needlessly.

If it is done needlessly and only for fun and enjoyment, then there is no doubt that it is haraam and comes under the heading of the zina of the tongue and ears of which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) spoke when he said:

“The son of Adam’s share of zina has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hands is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.”
-----------
if this feels too much, remember:
The Messenger of Allah (sa) said: “Allaah did not send me to make things hard for people in the hope that they would make mistakes, rather He sent me to teach and make things easy.” Narrated by Muslim, 1478.
Click to expand...
aoa wr wb...
One question...just wanted to ask we have a games forum here....participating inthose games would be wrong too? :unsure: cuz in that case too its like we are playing for fun and time pass....:unsure:
 
badrobot14

badrobot14

XPRS Administrator
Messages
3,370
Reaction score
34,690
Points
523
user said:
aoa wr wb...
One question...just wanted to ask we have a games forum here....participating inthose games would be wrong too? :unsure: cuz in that case too its like we are playing for fun and time pass....:unsure:
Click to expand...
w.salam wr wb
I really don't know... for myself, I try not to be personal with members especially of opp gender.... as interactions in the jokes area are behind a screen and public, I cannot say whether the ruling above applies or not.. BUT this one on interations b/w genders online surely does:

Praise be to Allaah.
It is known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan. Everything that could lead a person to fall into haraam things is also haraam, even if in principle it is originally permitted. This is what the scholars call “the principle of warding off harm.”
Concerning this matter, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan.” [al-Noor 24:21].
With regard to the second matter, He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And insult not those whom they (disbelievers) worship besides Allaah, lest they insult Allaah wrongfully without knowledge…” [al-An’aam 6:108]
Here Allaah forbids the believers to insult the mushrikeen lest that leads to them insulting the Lord, may He be glorified and exalted.
There are many examples of this principle in sharee’ah. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned many of them and explained them well in his excellent book A’laam al-Muwaqqi’een. (See 3/147-171 thereof).
The issue under discussion here also comes under this category. Conversation – whether verbally or in writing – between men and women is permissible in and of itself, but it may be a way of falling into the traps of the Shaytaan.
Whoever knows that he is somewhat weak, and is afraid that he may fall into the traps of the Shaytaan, has to refrain from such conversations, in order to save himself.
Whoever is sure that he will be able to remain steadfast, then we think that it is permissible in his case, but there are certain conditions:
The conversation should not be allowed to wander too far from the topic being discussed; or it should be for the purposes of calling others to Islam.
They should not let their voices be soft, or use soft and gentle expressions.
They should not ask about personal matters that have no bearing on the matter being discussed, such as how old a person is, how tall he or she is, or where he or she lives… etc.
Other brothers (in the case of men) or sisters (in the case of women) should take part in the conversation or read the correspondence, so that the Shaytaan will find no way to enter the hearts of the people who are conversing or corresponding.
The conversation or correspondence must be halted immediately if the heart starts to stir with feelings of desire.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
 
z.muhammadhusayn

z.muhammadhusayn

Messages
5
Reaction score
4
Points
3
to all of you who are attempting exams this may june, all of us are looking forward to having a good pass, its like walking down a rose path, u gotta pass through the thorns to get the scented petals, so lets not forget each other wen we pray!!
greetings from africa!!
 
z.muhammadhusayn

z.muhammadhusayn

Messages
5
Reaction score
4
Points
3
fasih58 said:
ACTIONS ARE JUDGED BY INTENTIONS..! :)
If you do anything to help others.. Including Girls or boys.. on such communities and help em anyway with good intention I GUESS THERES NOTHING WRONG :)
Click to expand...
yeah...but there has to be a limit!! and you do not hav to cross borders!! otherwise,studying with ppl of the opp sex is allowed,so long as limits arent crossed!!
 
badrobot14

badrobot14

XPRS Administrator
Messages
3,370
Reaction score
34,690
Points
523
purplerox said:
i always try to stop myslef but i cannot stop my self...!!
Click to expand...

Thankyou for mentionig this... I was learning surah ankaboot today... I'll share some lessons (pertaining to dis) with you inshaAllah (tomorrow probably), they'll benefit both of us, beiznillah. :)

in the mean time make dis dua, it helps me too, Prophet of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) made it,

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوْب ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِىْ عَلٰى دِيْنِكَ

(ya muqqalibal quloob thabbit qalbi ala deenik)
"O the Turner of hearts! Make my heart firm on Your Deen."
(Tirmizi)
 
purplerox

purplerox

Messages
772
Reaction score
2,102
Points
253
badrobot14 said:
Thankyou for mentionig this... I was learning surah ankaboot today... I'll share some lessons (pertaining to dis) with you inshaAllah (tomorrow probably), they'll benefit both of us, beiznillah. :)

in the mean time make dis dua, it helps me too, Prophet of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) made it,

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوْب ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِىْ عَلٰى دِيْنِكَ

(ya muqqalibal quloob thabbit qalbi ala deenik)
"O the Turner of hearts! Make my heart firm on Your Deen."
(Tirmizi)
Click to expand...
7
yes plzzz do share it...it wouls be a gr8 pleasure..!!!
may allah reward u in dis world as well as d hearafter...AMEEN/...\!!!
 
badrobot14

badrobot14

XPRS Administrator
Messages
3,370
Reaction score
34,690
Points
523
purplerox said:
i always try to stop myslef but i cannot stop my self...!!
Click to expand...
I know it’s a bit hard, in the beginning… but it’s not that hard to do. Stopping one’s self from talking unnecessarily to members of opposite gender or staying away from bad deeds in general is easy with the help of Allah and His guidance.

First your statement ‘but i cannot stop my self’ is not ok:

Allah (S.W.T) tells us: “Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity….” (2:286)

So if Allah (S.W.T) commanded us, it’s totally possible. We just need to find how… and what better to look for it except in Allah’s book and His messenger (S.A.W)

Quran is amazing... like seriously amazing... I was just trying to learn something from Surah Ankaboot, and I found gems to remain steadfast upon Islam. The surah starts:
“Alif, Lam, Meem. Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars. ” (29:1-3)

The cool thing is the word used for trial (yuftanoon/fitnah) is actually used for gold, like you test purity of gold by rubbing it on a black touch-stone- that stone is ‘fitnah’. So the tests and trails are a means of testing the worth of a believer… To make evident if they are really truthful believers or liars.

Now what trails did the believers before us go through?

Narrated Khabbab bin Al-Arat (RA): We complained to Allah's Apostle (of the persecution inflicted on us by the infidels) while he was sitting in the shade of the Ka'ba, leaning over his Burd (i.e. covering sheet). We said to him, "Would you seek help for us? Would you pray to Allah for us?" He said, "Among the nations before you a (believing) man would be put in a ditch that was dug for him, and a saw would be put over his head and he would be cut into two pieces; yet that (torture) would not make him give up his religion. His body would be combed with iron combs that would remove his flesh from the bones and nerves, yet that would not make him abandon his religion. By Allah, this religion (i.e. Islam) will prevail till a traveler from Sana (in Yemen) to Hadrarmaut will fear none but Allah, or a wolf as regards his sheep, but you (people) are hasty.” – (Sahih BUKHARI)

Even in Quran surah Buruj mentions how believers were thrown in a burning ditch for what crime? “They had nothing against them, except that they believed in Allah, the All-Mighty, Worthy of all Praise!” (85:8)

Now what is our Fitnah/trial? Not freely mixing with the opposite gender… to not be shameless… just hold on to Islam, that’s it. I mean we got the easy test… we should be acing it!

Another gem in the surah is that it fixes our attitude towards Islam, a few aayahs later it says:

“And whoever strives only strives for [the benefit of] himself. Indeed, Allah is free from need of the worlds.” (29:6)

Allah is in no need of our obedience… if everyone in the world started disobeying Allah it wouldn’t decrease from His majesty and His kingdom a bit… He is free of need… If we obey Allah, if we stay away from what He prohibited, it’s only going to benefit us! (Allah doesn’t need our worship, we are actually begging Allah to accept it. Side note: ever seen people who rush in salah? It looks like they’re praying coz Allah needs it; that’s so wrong, we must mean what we say in salah… coz it’s among Allah’s rights upon us, His slaves, that we worship Him alone [see sahih bukhari bk of tawheed].)

Later in the surah we find:

"And [We sent] Abraham, when he said to his people, "Worship Allah and fear Him. That is best for you, if you should know." (29:16)

Ibrahim (AS)'s exact words were: اعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَاتَّقُوهُ

Do Allah's Ibadah and have Taqwa of Him... That's it… whenever you or I are not following Allah's command we are short on Taqwa…

coz Ibadah means always obeying Allah fully with love for Him whereas Taqwa is the other aspect of Ibadah, which is saving yourself from disobeying Him, not violating any of His commands, Not disobeying any of His guidance... This is other side of the picture. And it's best for us, if we only knew...

To truly stay away from disobeying Allah (especially in regard to shamelessness; hanging with opposite gender) we need to have Taqwa... How to build this? (coz rewards for muttaqeen (people having taqwa) are amazing.. Allah says jannah/paradise is prepared for the Muttaqeen 3:133 – Imagine that!
Even in surah Naba , Allah tells us indeed for the “muttaqeen there will be a success (Paradise); Gardens and grapevines; And full-breasted [companions] of equal age…” notice even the desire to hang out with those one is attracted to is fulfilled)

Elsewhere in the Quran Bani Israel were told by Allah:
“And (O Children of Israel, remember) when We took your covenant and We raised above you the Mount (saying): "Hold fast to that which We have given you, and remember that which is therein so that you may become Al-Muttaqun (the pious)” (2:63)

Notice the command by Allah for them to be Muttaq is hold on to what’s been given to you i.e. their book. We MUST learn the lesson and do the same with the Quran… to have Taqwa we must hold on to Quran. Learn Quran, its tafseer… try acting on it, finding solutions for problems in it.

Second comes fasting, Allah tells us in Quran “O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, so that you may attain Taqwa.” (2:183)
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” This is addressed to young men, but it also includes young women.

Please try to do voluntary fasts a few days a week, try fasting on Mondays or Thursdays… If someone asks why you fast, tell them RasoolAllah(S.A.W) used to fast on those days; it’s Sunnah. (Ref. hadith in Tirmidhi)

Thirdly, Remember the reward Allah has prepared for you if you are righteous. In fact when you get the urge to hang out with them, or do something haram start saying “What Allah has is better, what Allah has is better”! (I’ve tried it in lowering my gaze, this works wonders. Alhamdulillah, as Quran says “Nay, you prefer the life of this world; Although the Hereafter is better and more lasting.” 87:15-16)

Fourthly, choose righteous friends and spend time with them…. If your friends hang out with opposite gender, chances are you will too, so stay away from those friends (at the very least when they are mixing freely).

This is a serious advice, we find in Quran:
“And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret] he will say, "Oh, I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way. Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter."” (25:27-29)

Fifthly, make dua… I noticed yesterday that in surah yusuf when Yusuf (AS) is tempted by the women he immediately makes dua. So, whenever you feel the whisper of shytaan make dua that instant.

Up till now what I’ve mentioned is on the positive end, strengthening Eeman. From the other end our desires need to be controlled too. Steps for that:

First, lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden. Allaah says:

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” [al-Noor 24:31]

The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “Do not follow one glance with another, for the first is allowed but not the second.” There are many sources of haraam looking, such as looking directly at young men and thinking about their attractive looks, or looking at pictures in magazines and movies. (Scholars allow women to look at men only if desires aren’t stirred, in your case it’d be better to avoid looking, insha’Allah)

Secondly, AVOID FILTH! Avoid reading stories and novels which focus on the sexual aspect, and avoiding LISTENING to songs. “And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart - about all those [one] will be questioned.” (17:36)

Third step is to know and mean what you say in your salah + develop khushoo… “Recite, [O Muhammad], what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do.” (29:45)

Fourthly, spend your time in useful pursuits, because spare time leads us to fall into haraam things. (As Br. Nouman says if you have free time, you are shytaan’s lunch :D )

That’s all I can think of. I have to work on this and you have to too, beiznillah. Here is a summary:

0. Whoever strove, he strove for himself! So this is for our benefit. Plus our fitnah is easy too. We do it so Allah might love us as we are His slaves.

Practical steps:

1. Getting close to Quran
2. Fasting
3. What Allah has is better!
4. Righteous Company
5. Making Dua

Things that diminish the desires:

1. Lowering the Gaze
2. Don’t listen / watch filth
3. Better Salah
4. No Time waste

Encouragement:
“…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (2:216)
"And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good." (29:69)
 
badrobot14

badrobot14

XPRS Administrator
Messages
3,370
Reaction score
34,690
Points
523
Fitnah:
article-2082126-0F58FC6300000578-402_196x250.jpg

:D
(couldn't resist posting the image.. I love it... see my post above 4 datails on fitnah)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top