Love in Islam: Valentine's Day

[Nibz]

So whose festival is Valentine's day?

 

[ktc]

Not ours.

 

[XPFMember]

As-salam-o-alaikum wr wb!​

The question that comes to mind is why should WE celebrate Valentine’s Day? Is it our national festival or a religious one? Festivals are part of a nation’s identity. They symbolize any religion or culture.
Ask Yourself !
On this day that the world celebrates love and we see hearts all around, ask yourself: “Have I ever thought of loving the One Who created me, the One Who gave me a heart that can feel love? Has this
.... Read full article here
Our love is a measure of our faith. Is our love deep enough to recognize the One we cannot see but expressions of His love are scattered all around us?

Or is it so shallow that it begins and ends only with humans who often abandon and hurt us in this world when we need them the most, whose love brings heartbreak and depression and who will be the first to leave us when we depart from this world?

Ask yourself, “ How much do I love Prophet Mohammad who had said: “By Him in Whose Hands my life is, none of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father and his children and all mankind” (Bukhari).Did you ever wonder how we can get Allah to love us too?
Ask yourself why do I love the people I do? Are the motives all worldly like their looks or money or is it something deeper like their piety or good deeds?
Ask Yourself!

Ask yourself honestly, is Valentine’s Day anything but obeying our baser desires and following our lusts? Are we only like cattle following our passions and the trends without knowing why, without understanding?

As a Muslim, a boy-girl friendship is totally out of bounds.

In Surah An-Nisa a woman’s qualities are described: “Chaste, not lustful nor ones taking secret friends”

Muslims have a beautiful institution of marriage where romance is not a summer fling nor is it based on superficial looks, but on a serene relationship of mutual affection, kindness and responsibility.

True Love
For a Muslim, TRUE LOVE happens only once and eternally and that is with the Lord, The One Who exists from eternity till forever. For Muslims, love for Him supersedes everything and everyone else.

Love for Allah is meaningful

since it then teaches loving all His creatures (and not just a ‘Special Someone’).

Muslims already have a day for expressing love and that is ‘Id-al-Azha when Muslims sacrifice a life to show Allah that they can sacrifice anything for Him-even their own lives.

They relive the Sunnah of Sayidina Ibrahim -Allah’s friend-who readily proceeded to sacrifice his most beloved possession, his teenaged son, for Allah. Love demands sacrifice. Do we have that kind of pure and intense love in our life? Who do we love the most-our own selves and desires or Our Rabb? If we love Allah, how can we celebrate a pagan custom when our Beloved Lord abhors paganism more than anything else? Then how deeply do we feel on ‘Id-al-Azha and how do we feel on Valentine’s?

A Muslim’s actions are not purposeless or meaningless. Even his love is meaningful and the expression of love is useful, since instead of spending thousands on flowers, on ‘Id-al-Azha meat is provided for the poor, jobs are created for many, animal skin is used for leather and so on.

A Muslim doesn’t do something just because the whole world is doing it. He doesn’t waste his life. Let us be Muslims in heart, body and soul.

Let us then find True Love

​

​

True love seeks sacrifice and I’ve given it all.​

This, this is true love in it’s purest form. ​

I turn my face towards You now. ​

The Lord of my world and the Heavens above. ​

I am Yours and Yours, alone.​

My prayer, my sacrifice are only for You. ​

My life and death are Yours to take.​

A promise I make.​

To lay my life for You. ​

An oath that I worship.​

No-one but You. ​

​

​

(Inspired by dua of The Holy Prophet SAW to be read at Qurbani time)​

 

[XPFMember]

Now people all over cash in on this opportunity to kindle the fire in young hearts and instill in their minds the necessity of having a ‘Special Someone’ to love. No wonder last year’s newspaper carried news of a woman who sued her husband for divorce for not giving her anything on Valentine’s. According to her it was absolutely necessary to express one’s love on this day and her husband did not give her anything which meant that he did not love her.
Apparently Valentine’s Day made her feel ‘unloved’ rather than ‘loved’.

What kind of love depends upon gifts for its survival? What kind of love is restricted to one day in the whole year? What kind of love breeds hatred, jealousy and a sense of deprivation in many?

Valentine’s Day also proves exceptionally painful for the not-so-popular kids in school who don’t get as many Valentine cards as their friends do.

 

[XPFMember]

Aoa!

There's nothing bad in it. It's just a day to celebrate love, only if you don't take it in the wrong sense. My opinion.

I mean, what's wrong in giving someone you like a box of chocolate on 14th of Feb. Is it wrong? I don't think so.

Waalaikumassalam wr wb!

​

As a Muslim, a boy-girl friendship is totally out of bounds.​

​

Ask yourself, whom will one give a valentine card or chocolates or whatever? will a boy give to a boy and girl to a girl?

So whose festival is Valentine's day?

"There is much mystery and folklore as to where this holiday came from, but the general story is that it was originally a pagan holiday. After the Roman Empire embraced Christianity, it was later named after a Catholic saint named Valentine. Folklore suggests that in the 3rd century C.E., the Roman Emperor Claudius II banned young healthy men from marriage. In defense of the divine union of marriage, St. Valentine allegedly protested this by secretly holding marriage ceremonies. He later was martyred on February 14th thus marking the date."

 

[Nibz]

I totally agree. And I 'voted' completely in favor of your article. In fact, I don't celebrate it. But it's not a SIN. Not in a million years.
Is this what our religion teaches us - hate the west, reject this, dislike that, burn a tyre, throw a tantrum, and LOVE. .only myself? Definitely not.
Islam talks about harmony and brotherhood. How can we achieve 'this', with such a narrow approach, is beyond my understanding.

 

[badrobot14]

...^ Which in turn, after marriage, leads to misunderstanding, disagreements, arguments, fights, and finally each signs a divorce paper leaving their kid/s to suffer in pain.

But if you at least know the person you’re gonna have to see every single day for the rest of your existence on this planet – there will be a fewer chances of misunderstandings, and problems and people could lead a more contented life. Don’t people want that?

There is a FINE difference between a relationship that IS Haraam and Love. ....!

AsSalam o Alaikum,

From what I understand of your post, you are saying that before two people are about to marry they should get to know each other before they are committed...

Well the thing is that Islam is the perfect way of life that, Alhamdulillah, guides us in each step of life. Islam commands us to lower our gaze and forbids looking at non-mahram women. This is in order to purify people’s souls and protect their honour. There are, however, certain exceptions in which it is permissible to look at a non-mahram woman for reasons of necessity, one of which is in the case of proposing marriage, because it is the basis on which a very important decision affecting a person’s life will be taken. There are texts which indicate that it is permissible to look at one’s fiancée, as follows:

From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34))

From al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah: “I proposed marriage to a woman, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’” According to another report: “So he did that, and he married her and mentioned that they got along.” (Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574)

However, this is not permissible with him being alone with her. Rather, her father, or brother, or someone else must be with them. This is because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "A man must never be alone with a woman unless there is someone who is a Mahram with them." (Agreed upon in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim.) He (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) also said, "A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third." (At-Tirmithee and Ahmad)


That’s it, plus you can search about your prospective spouse and their character through your contacts. Now, the thing is I used to be naive too and think “How can you marry a complete stranger?”… Well the laws of Allah are set in stone and are there for our own benefit. When I researched on the topic (you are about to read some of it, inshaAllah) I found out that you can’t judge someone’s true colour even by befriending the person you’re about to marry… Life before marriage and after marriage is a completely different thing. It’s not like in the movies where princess gets the prince charming and they live happily ever after.

(If you want you can read an example of getting too casual with the fiancée and going towards haram: http://islamqa.com/en/ref/41693/)

You mention about divorce rate in ‘Muslim’ countries; well you tell me how many of those Muslim families do you think would have looked in the Quran and the Sunnah of Prophet (S.A.W) for solutions before separating? The sad reality is that we ourselves don’t follow Islam completely and Submit to Allah; yet we complain when we get hurt.

(You can read about some of wisdom behind men allowed to have many wives here: http://islamqa.com/en/ref/14022/)


If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624) [source/read more: http://islamqa.com/en/ref/23420/ What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?]

 

[badrobot14]

==== Now for that promised research part====

This is a piece of writing by a married muslimah who has counseled many married people, it has been taken from a long piece of advice written for people just about to get married:

You don’t really know your fiance or your in-laws….yet

The engagement or betrothal phase is not the real thing. It is a time period in which both sides – the guy’s family and the girl’s family – are on their best behavior, meticulously observing the epitome of polite courtesy and akhlaaq in front of each other.

Wallahi,it is notthe real thing.

You will get to know what your spouse and their family really are like once the wedding has taken place, and let me clarify that to mean: when the rukhsatihas taken place viz. when the husband and wife are cohabiting.

Everyone shows their true colors from the morning after the rukhsati – even you! You will have your first all-out fight with your spouse probably within the first 2 weeks of marriage (I have given much leeway with this estimate; usually it happens much sooner). You will see, probably for the first time, the feathers of your mother- or father-in-law ruffled very obviously – whether you are the bride or the groom. You might see one of them scold your spouse, who might answer back in defense.

Welcome to real life!

You might also start to get irritated by a sister/cousin/aunt/uncle-in-law who always has an opinion about everything that you should be wearing, eating or doing, even though, for some reason, before the wedding his/her “concern” and“involvement” seemed very endearing, and never bothered you. Now, when he or she points out your every mistake or tells you what to do, you might gradually begin to dislike it. Weddings are (in)famous for testing the patience of most in extended families, because everyone in the clan is thrown together in close proximity, again and again, for several days!

All of this will start to happen within the first few days of the marriage, not to mention the fact that your parents might suddenly become critical of your spouse, discreetly pointing out their shortcomings to you:

“Why is she so reserved? Why isn’t she mingling with us freely? This is her home now.”

“He is earning a paltry salary on a contract job. He should apply in big companies, now that he has to support you.”

The question is: why? Why does everyone, including you, change all of a sudden once the wedding has taken place? Simple answer – again, one that has to do with intrinsic human nature: because everyone has finally got what they wanted.

The mutual goal of both families – getting their son/daughter married – has been achieved. So now they – and you – can finally heave a big sigh of relief, take off those gajra’s or waistcoats, give up the facade of “formality”, and be yourselves.

...

Every marriage undergoes trials, which reveal everyone’s true colors, even yours

No matter how much we all would like our lives to resemble a peaceful ride on a smooth-sailing boat atop calm, serene waters, fact is: life is not a bed of roses. Storms come, winds lash your boat, the waves thrash it from all sides, and you cling on to it in desperation, wondering if it’ll pull through intact. With patience and faith in Allah, you more often than not, do.

When we marry someone, we should expect challenges and trials of our patience in the future, no matter how extensively we “investigated” our future spouse and in-laws before agreeing to the proposal. Bottom-line: expect some scary skeletons to come dangling out of their closets to temporarily horrify you out of your wits. Do not be so naive to think that you will not be tested!

However, if the person (your spouse) and the family into which you have married are basically good people at heart, who fear Allah and fulfill the obligations of Islam, rest assured that not only will your marriage work out well, but that it will become the source of immense serenity, joy and blessings, insha’Allah.However, the exponential benefits, such as financial stability, emotional understanding, mutual compatibility, and bonding with the extended family-in-law (not to mention, wonderful little children), will come only after you pull through by exercising patience during the formative, initial years of this bond.

For the bride, I would like to opine that if I had to choose one word to describe marriage for her, it would be: adjustment.

For the groom, that word would be: responsibility.

 

[ktc]

WaAlaikum AsSalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu!

Honestly, I’m kind of speechless right now - didn’t know there was so much more to love than simply that! Never really thought of the consequences in that way either!

JazakAllah Kheir for taking the time and patience to clear pretty much all my ambiguity regarding this matter!

May you have a happy prosperous married life, when you do get married that is! (Or if you are?) Insha’Allah!

 

[XPFMember]

I totally agree. And I 'voted' completely in favor of your article. In fact, I don't celebrate it. But it's not a SIN. Not in a million years.
Is this what our religion teaches us - hate the west, reject this, dislike that, burn a tyre, throw a tantrum, and LOVE. .only myself? Definitely not.
Islam talks about harmony and brotherhood. How can we achieve 'this', with such a narrow approach, is beyond my understanding.

Assalamoalaikum wr wb!
And, I don't really need 'votes' or 'likes' to be specific. It's just that, our Muslim ummah should unite, and we all need to polish ourselves and share and correct each other, that's each one's responsibility ,.... And again it's not that I'm perfect ..... I too have so many bad things in me and as we all are ...working towards a better life according to the principles laid down by our Lord...one request, plz remember me in your prayers
Well to be honest, yes that's absolutely true, and if u read my first post (check the link) and read the original thing....infact that article starts with that thing (I think I didn't include that part) , so a man said the same thing saying similar to this
So that article goes on saying that yes Islam does teach love....I'd recommend u to read that article ..see the link in the first post

And yes Islam teaches brotherhood , but do you ever see 'them' following our ways ....I mean I don't really think, to foster love n brotherhood we need to leave, we need to follow their ways ? Do we? Again thats my opinion!
We not necessarily need to celebrate this day to establish brotherhood .....yes we can give gifts to them, invite them for dinner, and many more..what do u think?


Allah knows best! May Allah guide us all.

 

[Nibz]

Ws wr wb!

That is exactly what I think. If they don't follow our rituals, it's their own loss. But we can 'utilize' this opportunity to spread our own love, in our own ways. Like, we can express our love for our family on this day (if not on other days), this day can be an excuse to send flowers to our friends, or can make a difference for our country, not necessarily spending it flirting around with the opposite sex.

 

[badrobot14]

WaAlaikum AsSalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu!

Honestly, I’m kind of speechless right now - didn’t know there was so much more to love than simply that! Never really thought of the consequences in that way either!

JazakAllah Kheir for taking the time and patience to clear pretty much all my ambiguity regarding this matter!

May you have a happy prosperous married life, when you do get married that is! (Or if you are?) Insha’Allah!

no m not married...
and Jazakillah Khair for the duas.. may Alah guide you and bless you too with success in this life and the next.. and grant you an excellent spouse.. Ameen.
La hawlla wa la quwwata illa billah! May Allah guide us. Ameen.

 

[сᴏᴏʟ сяуѕтᴀʟѕ]

no m not married...
and Jazakillah Khair for the duas.. may Alah guide you and bless you too with success in this life and the next.. and grant you an excellent spouse.. Ameen.
La hawlla wa la quwwata illa billah! May Allah guide us. Ameen.

Aameen

 

[SalmanPakRocks]

Ws wr wb!

That is exactly what I think. If they don't follow our rituals, it's their own loss. But we can 'utilize' this opportunity to spread our own love, in our own ways. Like, we can express our love for our family on this day (if not on other days), this day can be an excuse to send flowers to our friends, or can make a difference for our country, not necessarily spending it flirting around with the opposite sex.

Yeah well bro ur absolutely right! We should look at the positive side of this.

 

[XPFMember]

Ws wr wb!

That is exactly what I think. If they don't follow our rituals, it's their own loss. But we can 'utilize' this opportunity to spread our own love, in our own ways. Like, we can express our love for our family on this day (if not on other days), this day can be an excuse to send flowers to our friends, or can make a difference for our country, not necessarily spending it flirting around with the opposite sex.

Well lemme say what I feel about this, and I'll wait for a better reply from badrobot

The thing is we are not supposed to imitate them...
U know fasting on the 10th of Muharram, when the prophet peace be upon him came to know that they also use to fast just as nó to imitate them he said we'll fast two days and as u'll b aware 9th an 10th or 10th and 11th

I don't know if this comes into context with what we r talking abt but mentioned it as it came to my mind

Allah knows best.
May Allah guide us all.

 

[Nibz]

Jazaka'Allah badrobot14. Those two long posts were wonderful, to say the least.
Masha'Allah. May Allah grant you more knowledge and guide us to the right path. Ameen

 

[XPFMember]

@badrobot
Walaikumassalam wr wb!
JazakAllah Khairen
Thanx loaadzzzz for taking the pain to reply n clear the confusion

May Allah bless you with the best of health n eman throughout your life till your last breath...Aameen

May Allah help u always Aameen

 

[Nibz]

May Allah bless All of us with the best of health n eman throughout our lives till our last breath...Aameen.
May Allah help All of us always Aameen.

 

[сᴏᴏʟ сяуѕтᴀʟѕ]

@badrobot
Walaikumassalam wr wb!
JazakAllah Khairen
Thanx loaadzzzz for taking the pain to reply n clear the confusion

May Allah bless you with the best of health n eman throughout your life till your last breath...Aameen

May Allah help u always Aameen

Aameen

 

[XPFMember]

May Allah bless All of us with the best of health n eman throughout our lives till our last breath...Aameen.
May Allah help All of us always Aameen.

Aameen summa Aameen